


The Observer Effect

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck, The Homestuck Epilogues - Fandom
Genre: "The Sports", Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, Character Study, Discussed Sexual Content, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mind Control, Narrative Fuckery, Outer Space, The Homestuck Epilogues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-02-08 20:34:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: [HEAVY EPILOGUE SPOILERS, both Meat and Candy]You could've been selfless. You could've put John's corpse on the spaceship while staying behind on Earth C, leaving the corpse for resurrection while you slowly decay. But you want to see him again. And you don't want to see Earth C ever again.Earth holds nothing but existence for you. This is the only place where you can truly live. You have a villain to fight, an ally to corral, an objective to pursue. You could've left your mind to rot, but instead it's been sent into overdrive.I'm giving your life a purpose. Why am I the bad guy again?It's a big spaceship, but it manages to feel claustrophobic anyway. Dirk's presence in Terezi's head is unavoidable and almost inescapable.In the absence of things to do, Dirk occupies himself with his projects. Terezi is one of them. But it's a two-way street, and she won't take any of this lying down.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A word of caution: I fucking loved the Homestuck Epilogues. If you didn't, you probably won't enjoy this. Portrayal of characters and relationships will be in line with the epilogues.
> 
> All content warnings that apply to the epilogues also apply here (barring possibly gerrymandering... though who can say). Go in with that in mind. Additional content warnings that go beyond those for the epilogues may be added chapter-by-chapter if necessary.

As soon as he had the course charted out, Dirk locked himself into a room with Rose's body and the robot. That was several hours ago. You haven't caught a whiff of him since.

It gave you time to explore. It's a big ship, that's for sure. It's a very Skaianet ship too, in its very paradoxical nature: sleek, space age and state of the art, and simultaneously a misshapen jigsaw of unnecessary luxuries. You would've wondered what a spaceship needed with an art gallery if you hadn't been too busy smearing your tongue across the blueberry-flavored portraits.

The room you claimed for your own was equipped with a hot tub instead of a bed. You prefer it that way. This ship was clearly built for humans, but you never grew accustomed to their beds, no matter how long you spent among humans. Piles of plush did you just fine for three years on a meteor, and the back of a car was adequate recently – anything's better than exhausted, fitful naps while floating around a black hole. But after your sweeps of childhood on Alternia, you still find that nothing comforts you quite like full fluid immersion.

And it gave you a little time to be alone. When you're still within a thousand miles of Dirk Strider, it's hard to ever feel like you're alone.

TEREZI: L1K3 NOW

Yeah.  Hey.

I'm done with Rose for the time being. The operation is complete. Now I'm just allowing time for her transmitted soul to acclimatize to its new robotic surroundings. An instant startup would be possible, but risky, and I'm not taking chances on my daughter's life. Especially when she's one of my only two living shipmates for the many years ahead.

You're soaking in your Jacuzzi and contemplating the vast expanse of time. Who knows how long this will take us? What will we do in the meantime?

Well, you're gonna have to coexist with me all that time. And that's not easily done. You see the world based on choices made or not taken, but I'm not limited by that dichotomy. I am every outcome of every choice Dirk Strider has ever made. And that scares you, doesn't it?

TEREZI: 3H  
TEREZI: NOT R34LLY  
TEREZI: ST1LL PR3TTY STR41GHTFORW4RD  
TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY WH3N YOU S1MPL1FY 1T L1K3 YOU JUST D1D

Damn it. You're not lying.

You're definitely not as suggestible as your peers, either. Less affected by me than anyone else I've known... barring Roxy, I guess. 

But don't get cocky. Believe me, I'm just getting started. I'll quickly relieve you of any notion that you may have the upper hand. I'm the captain of this ship, and it's staying that way.

TEREZI: W3LL S33 4BOUT TH4T >:]

Good lord. At least you'll keep me busy. Really not what I need from you right this moment, though.

For now, just keep yourself busy, okay? Or just go to sleep in your fucking Jacuzzi, just _something_. Actually, sleep would probably be best, and it's not like you have much else to do. You've already circumnavigated the ship, like, ten times.

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NGS H4PP3N1NG W1TH ROS3 1SNT 1T  
TEREZI: YOU DONT W4NT YOUR 4TT3NT1ON D1V1D3D

I have zero issues with dividing my attention. I multitasked different bodies for years, god dammit. I can easily keep an eye on you.

TEREZI: Y34H R1GHT  
TEREZI: SUR3 D1DNT WH1L3 1 W4S 3XPLOR1NG 34RL13R

I don't have time for this shit right now.

TEREZI: TH3N GO FOCUS ON ROS3  
TEREZI: 1LL ST1LL B3 H3R3 WH3N YOU G3T B4CK  
TEREZI: M4YB3 1 W1LL SL33P  
TEREZI: M4YB3 1 WONT  
TEREZI: BUT TH4TLL B3 MY CHO1C3, NOT YOURS >:P


	2. Chapter 2

Terezi?

TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T TH1S T1M3

You're awake. Good.

Yeah, it's me again. Surprise. I'm bored, and I've got a question for you.

How old are you?

TEREZI: HUH?

Well?

TEREZI: ...

Just as I thought, you don't know. Hell, neither do I.

As a fact in itself, it's kind of unimportant. You're an adult, and beyond that? Age is just a number, baby. But there's more to it than that in your situation. We're both immortal. I died on a stone slab, you walked through a white door, the result was pretty much the same. And yet you still feel like you've wasted a lot of your life, whether that be weeks or months or decades. Or "sweeps", I guess.

Hm. You're trying to suppress the thoughts of something, I can tell. You're doing a pretty good job of it too, so all I can do is guess. It's gotta be something about Vriska, seeing as that's why you were out there in the first place. I'm right, aren't I?

You're not suppressing the emotions as well as you're suppressing the details of the thought, so I'm definitely picking up on mixed feelings here. Some strange amount of bittersweet happiness... _and_ regret?? You definitely didn't leave with her. And you still wanted to find her when I saw you, right up until you gave up and left. But something's making me suspect you might've found more than I thought. A doomed timeline Vriska, perhaps?

TEREZI: C4N YOU FUCK1NG STOP

Wow, okay.

Sure, I could stop, but not without a reason. Tell me why I should, Terezi.

No response?

Back to educated guesses, then. It seems you did more out there than I thought. More than just fly around, nearly starve and then fuck John. Maybe I should've paid more attention to your little quest.

TEREZI: ...

You didn't realize I was able to see you out there, huh?

TEREZI: 1TS NOT L1K3 1T WOULDV3 B33N WORTH S331NG  
TEREZI: B4R3LY 4NYTH1NG H4PP3N3D OUT TH3R3

Except you nearly dying of starvation and then fucking John. Looks like I tuned in for the good bits.

TEREZI: 3XCUS3 M3??

Not like I actually _watched_ you fuck. Don't get me wrong here. It's common knowledge that I'm the dictionary definition for "sexual deviant", but watching two of my acquaintances bang while they both try not to die? Not really my thing. I zoned way out when that started happening, believe me.

TEREZI: YOU TH1NK TH4T 4BSOLV3S YOU OF B31NG 4 CR33P?  
TEREZI: 1TS ST1LL FUCK1NG CR33PY FOR YOU TO W4TCH OUR 3MOT1ON4LLY 1NT1M4T3 MOM3NTS  
TEREZI: 1F NOT OUR S3XU4LLY 1NT1M4T3 ON3S  
TEREZI: 1 ONLY B3C4M3 4W4R3 OF YOUR BL4TH3R1NG WH3N W3 C4M3 B4CK  
TEREZI: 4ND JUST SO YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: 1 H34RD 3V3RY SH1TTY TH1NG YOU S41D 4S H3 W4S DY1NG  
TEREZI: YOU B4ST4RD

Just telling it how it is. What kind of a narrator would I be otherwise?

TEREZI: PROB4BLY 4 L3SS 4NNOY1NG ON3

Says the girl with a voice like nails down a chalkboard.

So you know exactly what I think about him. Well, I know exactly what he thought about you. Wanna hear?

TEREZI: 1LL P4SS  
TEREZI: B3L13V3 1T OR NOT SOM3 P3OPL3 4R3 OF TH3 OP1N1ON TH4T C3RT41N PR1V4T3 THOUGHTS 4ND 4CT1ONS SHOULD 4CTU4LLY ST4Y PR1V4T3

Where's the fun in that? I'm gonna tell you anyway.

TEREZI: OH FOR FUCKS S4K3  
TEREZI: 1 WONT L1ST3N

You've got no choice. Besides, aren't you desperate for more insight into your tragically dead boyfriend? You know I'm right.

John Egbert was one sappy guy. He really had it bad for you. Like, _really._ Even before he went and died in the middle of a love confession, he considered the two of you basically married as of the whole car sex thing.

Good thing it didn't even last an hour after that, because then you'd be running into some serious problems. He was in full-on human love, and you couldn't taste the color that your own feelings were. Red? Black? It's a mixture, really, and one that would drive you crazy to sort out long-term. Hell, a lot of your feelings are actually for an alternate version of him. John may have had more power than he really deserved, but he sure wasn't anything approaching his Ultimate Self. You fell for one John, then tossed him aside when you got your hands on the other.

TEREZI: YOU TH1NK 1 DONT KNOW 4NY OF TH1S?  
TEREZI: 1TS B33N ON MY M1ND TOO

Alright. Here's something you didn't know.

He'd never tell you this, but you hurt him pretty bad. He died before he could figure out what he felt about how violently you fucked him. I didn't watch you doing it, of course, because I'm not THAT kind of creep. But I saw the aftermath. He was so damn conflicted about the lines you gouged into his back. His face stung from when you slapped him, but it hurt a lot more than that.

I've never got the impression of John being anything other than vanilla as fuck. Horny as he was, he sure wasn't ready for the Alternian treatment. Maybe you should've considered that before manhandling a dying man. He wanted love and comfort, you gave him hate and fear.

So yeah. Just remember that next time you ogle his corpse. Those dead wounds he bled out from were your doing as well as Lord English's. The two of you carved him up like a piece of meat.

TEREZI: NOW YOUR3 JUST T4LK1NG BULLSH1T  
TEREZI: TH4T 1SNT 4 F41R COMP4R1SON 4T 4LL

Oh, it's rich to be lectured on fairness by a wannabe arbiter of Alternian justice.

TEREZI: STOP 3V4D1NG, STR1D3R  
TEREZI: HOW 1S 1T 1N 4NY W4Y F41R TO COMP4R3 TH3 1NJUR13S 1NFL1CT3D BY 4 GR33N SKULL MONST3R TO TH3 M4RKS 1NFL1CT3D DUR1NG P4RT1CUL4RLY P4SS1ON4T3 1NT3RCOURS3

You're right, actually. It's a totally unfair comparison. It always hurts worse when it comes from someone you love.

TEREZI: H3 W4S F1N3 4FT3RW4RDS D4MM1T  
TEREZI: 4P4RT FROM DY1NG. F1N3 3MOT1ON4LLY, 4T L34ST  
TEREZI: YOUR3 PR3S3NT1NG 4 D3L1B3R4T3LY CH3RRYP1CK3D C4S3  
TEREZI: 1 4M 1MMUN3 TO YOUR FL1MS1LY CONSTRUCT3D GU1LT TR1P

But are you really? You're trying to hide it, but I've genuinely shaken you. There's no use lying to me. You had one shot, Terezi, and you used it for harm instead of good.

On second thoughts, maybe "guilt trip" isn't the right angle to go for here. It rings kind of hollow when I don't actually disapprove of what you did. You and I both know the brainless allure exhibited by the males of his family. You had the chance for a quick fuck, no strings attached, no consequences to whatever you made him feel because he'd die minutes later anyway. Who am I to shame you for callously going all out? I would've done the same if it'd been me and Jake.

But then you brought him along for our journey, in the hope that you might get some more someday. I don't blame you for that, either. Hell, I considered bringing Jake along for about a millisecond. Taking him as my fucktoy instead of leaving him to be Jane's. Lord knows he'd want to, given the state I worked him into up on that stage. But I don't want him draining the IQ of everyone on board, nor do I want him slobbering over me every minute of every day. Jane needs an outlet, and who better for it?

But hey. Your boy can't even talk back any more. Perfect, right?

TEREZI: SO WH4T H4PP3N3D B3TW33N YOU 4ND J4K3

That's not relevant.

TEREZI: SUR3 1T 1S  
TEREZI: YOU BROUGHT H1M UP

As a comparison, yes. His relevance in our conversation, and indeed anywhere, is over.

TEREZI: BUT 1M CUR1OUS NOW  
TEREZI: YOU TWO US3D TO B3 TOG3TH3R  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW YOU W3R3 WH3N 1 L3FT 1N1T14LLY  
TEREZI: NOW YOU JUST SOUND B1TT3R 4BOUT H1M  
TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG H4PP3N3D

Nothing fucking happened, except my sorely overdue realization that the only worth he has, or ever _will_ have, is as a piece of meat. In all other respects, he is worth less than dog shit that's been repeatedly trodden into the ground. He has all the depth of a stale piss stain, all the mental acuity of a lobotomized bloodsucking flea. He is slavishly committed to idiocy, inexplicably determined to kill off his last brain cell by drinking at every hour of the day. He deserves nothing more than an eternal lifetime of use as a barely sapient sex toy, and certainly does not deserve a _second_ more of our conversational time.

TEREZI: _1MPR3SS1V3LY_ B1TT3R  
TEREZI: YOUR3 DO1NG 4 GR34T JOB OF CONV1NC1NG M3 TH4T YOU DONT C4R3 4BOUT H1M  
TEREZI: LOOKS L1K3 SOM3ON3 TOOK TH3 BR34KUP H4RD

I've never been better, actually. And that's all there is to it. I'm not going to say any more than that, because there _is_ nothing more to say.

TEREZI: H3Y HOW COM3 YOU G3T TO PRY 1NTO TH3 1NT1M4T3 D3T41LS OF MY R3L4T1ONSH1P BUT 1 DONT G3T TO DO TH3 S4M3 1NTO YOURS

Because unlike you or Jake, this doesn't swing both ways.

TEREZI: YOU C4N G1V3 1T BUT YOU C4NT T4K3 1T HUH

This conversation is over.

TEREZI: F1N4LLY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (rosebot turns up starting from next chapter btw)


	3. Chapter 3

ROSEBOT: Terezi?

She didn't expect you to be here. She expected this to be a Strilonde-exclusive father-daughter cruise. The unexpected addition of Pyrope into the mix is confusing, especially when...

ROSEBOT: I haven't seen you in years.  
ROSEBOT: Why are you here?

Loaded question.

TEREZI: SH3N4N1G4NS

The eternally valid answer.

ROSEBOT: I see.

A silence passes between the two of you.

You happened to see each other in one of the passageways through the ship. A simple matter of passing from one area to another has suddenly become fraught with uncertainty and curiosity. Question after question opens up in both of your minds. Terezi has just deflected Rose's opening salvo, so the next move could be anything.

TEREZI: SO HOW 1S L1F3 4S 4 ROBOT

Ouch. Bad move.

I've been seeing the answer in Rose's mind ever since she woke up, but I'm interested to hear how she expresses it to you. Her guard is up. She didn't know you too well in the first place, and after years of separation, you may as well be strangers. What you'll see here may be the truth filtered a thousand times, or it may be an outright lie. She's still deciding.

ROSEBOT: It's alright. I appreciate being able to perform basic functions without using up all the energy I have. I'd almost forgotten how it felt to be in good working order.

A very shallow truth, which skims only the uppermost level of her new existence. Nice.

Regardless, you understand how that feels. You're eating well now after having almost starved to death. The two experiences are like night and day, though on Alternia that idiom has different connotations to Earth. Day is danger, exposure, fear. Night is a sheltered safety.

TEREZI: TH4TS GOOD  
TEREZI: 1M GL4D

You're both silent again, but so much goes unspoken.

Like yours, her eyes no longer have pupils. You feel the violet light study you. Naturally, you're older than she remembers. Thinner, too. That indefinite period of starvation has yet to be fully undone.

You think she's a lot more metallic than you remember. Come on, Terezi. Is that the most insightful observation you have to offer? 

Huh. I guess it is.

She doesn't really have body language any more. Humans exist in constant motion: they breathe, they blink, they live a thousand different motions in a single fleeting second. Rosebot does not. When she stands still, she is still. And she is still now.

You pride yourself on your ability to read people, but Rose's metal defences are impenetrable. Just the way she should like it.

Here comes another question:

ROSEBOT: Is there anyone else on this ship I should know about? Has my dear brother been stuffed into the cockpit, for example?

I'm too far away from him to tell, but I hope he's preoccupied stuffing his cock into a very different pit.

TEREZI: (OH MY FUCK1NG GOD)  
ROSEBOT: Hm?  
TEREZI: NOT YOU  
TEREZI: JUST D1RK M4K1NG S3XU4L 4LLUS1ONS 1N MY H34D  
ROSEBOT: ... I'm sorry?

Oh boy. Here it all comes.

TEREZI: D1DNT YOU KNOW?  
TEREZI: H3S B33N FUCK1NG W1TH 3V3RYON3  
TEREZI: TR4NSM1TT1NG THOUGHTS 4ND SUGG3ST1ONS 1NTO 3V3RYON3S H34DS TO 1NFLU3NC3 TH3M FROM 4F4R  
TEREZI: 3XC3PT 1 JUST H34R 1T R4TH3R TH4N 4CTU4LLY DO1NG WH4T H3 S4YS  
TEREZI: SO 1 H4V3 4 CONST4NT STR34M OF D1RK STR1D3R 1N MY H34D R1GHT NOW  
TEREZI: 4ND 1T 1S _R34LLY_ 4NNOY1NG

Now you've done it.

Rosebot remains unmoving. When she speaks, her voice is the same flat, synthesized tone as ever.

ROSEBOT: That explains a lot.

Since you're struggling here, I'll give you a little peek: Rose is fucking _pissed._

Which is alright for the time being. I could wipe the revelation from her head, but I couldn't wipe it from yours, so we'd just be going in circles. She's seen the man behind the curtain now, and there's no use covering him up and pretending he isn't there. This Emerald City's busted right the fuck open.

So I'll let her anger run its course. She'll come round to my plan on her own eventually, and for the time being I'll allow her to entertain all her fantasies of turning this ship around and clunking right back into the loving arms of her beloved wife. Which isn't going to happen, by the way. I drop her a thought to that effect: there's no use trying anything when I'm constantly one step ahead.

ROSEBOT: I feel him in there now.

She feels violated now, but that's the kneejerk reaction. It'll pass. Her mind is greater when added to my own, and she'll come to understand that over the years. Probably not till we're doing something of greater consequence than being on a spaceship, though. But I can wait.

ROSEBOT: _Is_ there anyone else on this spaceship, Terezi?  
TEREZI: NO

You've neglected to mention John, but it's not like he'll be interrupting her peace in his current state.

ROSEBOT: Good. I need to be alone.

And with that, she turns around and hurries back to the room from which she came.

Well, that was an eventful encounter, if brief. I was curious to see how the two of you got along. There'll be a lot more of that in the next few eternities.

Before your next encounter with her, I want you to be aware of something. Rose has ascended to her Ultimate Self now, just as I have. She has memories of every single timeline she's existed in. You, by comparison, are only aware of two: the timeline in which you currently exist, and the one in which you died after sending John to fix it all.

There's a tiny bit of common ground for you. You don't know each other well, but you both experienced that retconned timeline. I see you thinking back on it now: they're some of your few memories that exist as visual data, rather than the product of your nose and tongue. Rose's garish bright planet really is the worst possible place to have a hangover, as both of you learned the hard way.

Use this information as you wish.


	4. Chapter 4

ROSEBOT: But why you, and not me?

It's an interesting question that she poses. Why are only _you_ immune to my influence, Terezi?

TEREZI: OH SP34K1NG OF WH1CH  
TEREZI: H3S JUST ST4RT3D DO1NG 1T 4G41N R1GHT NOW  
ROSEBOT: I was wondering when that would happen.  
ROSEBOT: Delighted to welcome your presence, dear father.

I gave you something to bond over, and here you are talking about something completely different.

TEREZI: WHY WOULD W3 W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT TH4T  
TEREZI: 1TS 4 R34LLY PO1NTL3SS TOP1C OF CONV3RS4T1ON. "Y3S H3LLO ROS3 R3M3MB3R TH4T T1M3 W3 H4D H4NGOV3RS"

It's a starting point! You could go from the small talk of "god damn, hangovers suck" to the bigger talk of "god damn, I sure am glad I harnessed John's retcon powers to fix that shit", to a greater discussion on the nature of alternate timelines, alternate selves, Ultimate Selves...

TEREZI: N4H

I dangled a narrative hook in front of your face, and here you are blatantly ignoring it.

TEREZI: 1 C4N H4V3 B4S1C CONV3RS4T1ONS W1THOUT YOUR H3LP  
TEREZI: HOW DUMB DO YOU TH1NK 1 4M  
ROSEBOT: He believes a conversation can only be worth having if it's seasoned liberally with his own ego.  
ROSEBOT: I see good reason to contest that hypothesis.

Hey, this conversation might be worth having too. After all, it's about me. And the hold I have over the two of you.

TEREZI: H3Y ROS3  
TEREZI: L3TS T4LK 4BOUT SPORTS

Dave's favored evasion method. You picked this up from him after you spent all that time together in the pre-retcon timeline you should be talking about, shouldn't you?

ROSEBOT: My goodness, yes. Sports.  
ROSEBOT: Terezi, would you happen to have witnessed any of the sports lately?

Are we really doing this.

TEREZI: WHY Y3S MS L4LOND3 1 DO B3L13V3 1 H4V3  
TEREZI: TH3R3 W4S 4 B4LL 1NVOLV3D

Are we really fucking doing this.

Rose tilts her metal head in a mockery of genuine interest.

ROSEBOT: A ball? Good heavens, whatever will they think of next?

Then she gets sick of the charade. The two of them were having an interesting conversation prior to this bout of bullshit, and she genuinely would like to continue with the original discussion.

ROSEBOT: But enough of the sports for now. There's only so much excitement I can take.  
ROSEBOT: Back to our earlier topic, I think it may be reasonable to conclude that your awareness of Dirk's fuckery was caused by your sojourn outside this universe.  
TEREZI: WH4T 4 N4TUR4L 4ND UNPROMPT3D CONV3RS4T1ON4L SW3RV3

Thank you, I'm proud of it.

ROSEBOT: Actually, now that you mention it, I don't really care. Especially with our far more important subject left hanging, as if from a Carapacian bell tower.  
ROSEBOT: Terezi, we weren't done discussing The Sports.  
TEREZI: OH ROS3  
TEREZI: NO ON3 C4N 3V3R B3 "DON3" W1TH D1SCUSS1NG TH3 SPORTS

God dammit.

Okay, listen. What's stopping you from discussing this now that you know I'm around. Hell, maybe I have my own thoughts on this that you'd be interested to hear.

TEREZI: 1F YOU W4NT TO D1SCUSS TH1S W1TH US, STR1D3R, YOU C4N DO SO 1N P3RSON R4TH3R TH4N 4S 4N 1NT3RLOP3R 1N OUR M1NDS  
TEREZI: FOR NOW YOU 4R3 4N UNW3LCOM3 W1NGS3CT ON TH3 W4LL

"Wingsect"? That's a new one on me. What is it with trolls and shitty portmanteaus?

Anyway, I'm on the other side of the ship. Why should you expect me to cross it when the convenience of my mental voice is sufficient? 

TEREZI: DO YOU H4V3 4NYTH1NG B3TT3R TO DO

Yes, actually. Drilling a glory hole in the side of the ship would be more rewarding than this. Bye.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New content warning: surgical needles. Consider this to be in effect from now on.

There's a knock on your door. The fist responsible does not sound like a metal one, which is why you're not budging an inch to open it. You're surprised that I'm here in person for once, though you certainly don't seem happy about it.

I'm fully capable of blasting this door open, if I want. Or commanding the ship to open it, or locking it down and waiting however long it takes for you to crawl on out. You want to starve again? You know how it feels. I could make you live that all over again.

Okay, whatever. Let's just get this over with.

DIRK: Ship, open the door.  
TEREZI: SH1P, CLOS3 TH3 DOOR  
DIRK: Good try, but the only voice it responds to is mine.

You're sitting on the edge of your hot tub, legs dangling down outside it. You've caught my scent at your door, as well as Rosebot's. And I know you're not happy to see us, but something needs to be done. 

DIRK: Where's the wallet?

It's not a question, it's a command. Take it out of your pocket and give it to me. 

TEREZI: NO

You take it out of your pocket and give it to me. 

TEREZI: ST1LL NO

Rose needs to see what's inside. She rushes up to you with superhuman speed and strength, takes a vise grip on your wrists with one hand, and snatches the wallet from your pocket with the other. 

DIRK: Good girl.

She opens up the wallet and leafs through its contents. In the last seconds before she sees him, I want to tell you something. It doesn't matter to me, but it will matter to you: her emotions in this moment will be truly her own. 

There he is. 

ROSEBOT: So this was what happened to him.

Wound, meet salt. 

She was the one to send John off on his journey. His _essential_ journey, to repair our fraying tether to relevance. She knew he wouldn't survive, so logically, this isn't a surprise. _Emotionally_ is a different story. But always, as ever, her face is still. 

Every movement she makes has to be deliberate, and that feels like it's inherently a performance. She doesn't want to _perform_ her grief or her guilt. That strikes her as some depraved kind of emotional exhibitionism; she'd rather it be accidental, simply being caught in the act. 

Her own blank face should be a blessing to her. External signs of her own emotions used to be a natural reflex, something that she trained out of herself over the years. Now she's had her poker face perfected, she suddenly wants expression back. It's maddening. 

Her default option is to internalize. There's no catharsis in that. 

DIRK: For what it's worth, your emotions are pretty damn apparent anyway. There's no need to read your face when I can read your mind.  
DIRK: Oh, and it's been broadcast to Terezi too. That just happens on its own.

She thinks that's even worse. 

DIRK: There's just no winning with you, is there?  
DIRK: Man, why do robots gotta have feelings. What's even the point of them then?

She's about to slap me, but her hand stops an inch away. The violet eyes power down. 

DIRK: Oops. I guess her circuitry couldn't handle all those human feelings.  
TEREZI: WH4T W4S TH4T FOR  
DIRK: She was getting violent. It was self-defence.  
DIRK: I appreciate having company on this ship, but sometimes I need to put my toys away.  
DIRK: I keep a few things around to help me out with that.

I've got a syringe in my hand now. These tranquilizers have never failed me yet. 

You back one step away, as your own self-defensive reflex. 

DIRK: You don't need to do that. I'm not going to use it. I came here to talk to you, and I can't do that if you're unconscious.  
TEREZI: JUST J4B M3 H3R3 4ND NOW, S4V3 US BOTH TH3 TROUBL3  
DIRK: Request denied.

I recaptchalogue the syringe. 

DIRK: Remember two days ago, when you lied to Rose about there being no one else on the ship?  
TEREZI: TH4T W4SNT 3V3N 4 L13  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT L1K3 H3S 4L1V3  
TEREZI: YOUR3 M4K1NG 1T MOR3 DR4M4T1C TH4N 1T N33DS TO B3  
DIRK: I think it would be in Rose's best interests to know of her dead friend's presence on this ship.  
DIRK: It was a deliberate omission.  
DIRK: Did you think you were sparing her feelings? Are you coddling your fellow Seer? You know she doesn't appreciate that, and you wouldn't either.

You're standing your ground. 

DIRK: We don't need to keep secrets around here, Terezi.  
TEREZI: NOT 3V3RYTH1NG N33DS TO B3 KNOWN  
DIRK: Maybe. But I think Rose might disagree with you on this particular matter.

Rosebot's eyes regain their glow. 

DIRK: I didn't disable her completely. She heard everything.

And with that, I leave the room to leave the two of you "alone". 


	6. Chapter 6

Rosebot's hand is still exactly where it was when she went to slap me. It's like she's caressing an invisible face. Slowly, slowly, she lowers it.

The wallet is in her other hand.

ROSEBOT: Is he why you're here?

Back to that question, I see. "SH3N4N1G4NS" may not be an acceptable answer for once, I'm afraid.

TEREZI: P4RT14LLY  
TEREZI: TH3R3S 4 LOT OF TH1NGS

You could've been selfless. You could've put John's corpse on the spaceship while staying behind on Earth C, leaving the corpse for resurrection while you slowly decay. But you want to see him again. And you don't want to see Earth C ever again.

Earth holds nothing but existence for you. This is the only place where you can truly _live._ You have a villain to fight, an ally to corral, an objective to pursue. You could've left your mind to rot, but instead it's been sent into overdrive.

I'm giving your life a purpose. Why am I the bad guy again?

It seems you have something to say, and this time you don't care that I'm able to witness it. You're of the opinion that it needs saying now, even if I have no intention of leaving you two alone.

TEREZI: STR1D3R W4NTS TO K33P TH1NGS 1NT3R3ST1NG H3R3  
TEREZI: W3 WONT B3 4LLOW3D 4NY BR34TH1NG SP4C3  
TEREZI: H3LL CONST4NTLY B3 TRY1NG TO D1V1D3 US, 4ND W3 C4NT L3T H1M

Easier said than done. 

ROSEBOT: That sounds like a very easy way to delegitimize any genuine grievances I might ever have with you.  
ROSEBOT: "Oh no, Ros3, 1 d1dn't do 4nyth1ng wrong. Th4t's just D1rk try1ng to spl1nt3r our pr3c1ous un1t3d front."  
TEREZI: TH4TS NOT HOW 1 T4LK!!  
ROSEBOT: The point still stands. I'd like you to address it.

You sigh.

TEREZI: 3V3N NOW  
TEREZI: HOW C4N W3 KNOW WH3TH3R THOS3 4R3 YOUR G3NU1N3 THOUGHTS ON TH1S  
TEREZI: OR JUST 1NS3RT3D TH3R3 FOR TH3 S4K3 OF OUR D1S4GR33M3NT  
ROSEBOT: ...  
ROSEBOT: You're right. I have no clue.  
TEREZI: N31TH3R DO 1  
TEREZI: 1F H3 D1D, H3 D1DNT 4CCOMP4NY TH3M W1TH N4RR4T1ON  
TEREZI: 31TH3R TH3YR3 YOURS OR H3S G3TT1NG B3TT3R 4T H1D1NG  
ROSEBOT: Regardless,  
ROSEBOT: No matter whether they are or not, I think I do have a genuine grievance in this situation.

Exactly. The author of the thoughts doesn't matter. There is an objective observation being made here.

You throw your hands up in the air.

TEREZI: F1N3!!!!!  
TEREZI: Y3S, 1 COMM1TT3D TH3 T3RR1BL3 CR1ME OF F41L1NG TO M3NT1ON 3GB3RTS HUM4N CORPS3 1N MY W4LL3T, 1N 4 CONT3XT WH3R3 1T W4SNT R3L3V4NT TO YOUR QU3ST1ON. D1RK 3V3N 4CKNOWL3DG3D 4S MUCH 1N H1S CORR3SPOND1NG N4RR4T1ON FOR TH4T MOM3NT  
TEREZI: 1S 1T _R34LLY_ TH4T B1G 4 D34L???????  
TEREZI: B3S1D3S, 1 WOULD H4V3 TOLD YOU 4NYW4Y. 1F NOT TH3R3, TH3N SOM3 OTH3R T1M3  
TEREZI: D1RK JUST M4D3 1T S33M L1K3 SOM3 BULLSH1T CODDL1NG OF YOUR F33L1NGS BY B34T1NG M3 TO TH3 R3V34L  
TEREZI: SO TH3R3. 1 4M SORRY. 4R3 YOU H4PPY NOW, L4LOND3 OR L4LOND3-M4RY4M OR L4LOND3BOT OR WH4T3V3R TH3 H3LL YOU M1GHT B3 NOW??  
TEREZI: C4N W3 MOV3 ON?????  
ROSEBOT: I don't think tantrums really qualify as apologies.  
TEREZI: R444R4RR44UUU4444UU4GHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!!!!

You turn and run to dive headfirst into the Jacuzzi, fully clothed. You seriously need to cool off, and the hot tub will do absolutely jack shit to help you with that.

Your head surfaces and you gasp for air. Rosebot is standing in front of the tub, though far enough back that she doesn't make contact with any splashed water. She's fully waterproofed, of course, but generic robot tropes will always prevail in the layperson's mind.

If she was capable of natural expressions right now, she'd probably look faintly dazed.

ROSEBOT: The problem is, I don't know how I feel.

You pull yourself out of the water and resume your former position, sitting on the edge.

ROSEBOT: The waters of my mind are so muddied right now. I can't tell whether anything is me or Dirk or an incestuous slurry of the two. Do I have a grievance here? Was it purely his invention? Is it milder than he'd like, and simply exaggerated for melodrama's sake? The fact that our shared genetics have attuned us both to melodrama would most likely help him disguise himself there.

I know you don't want my hot take, but it really doesn't matter who's been thinking what. Attempting to make a distinction is a fool's errand. I'll leave her to figure that out herself, and I'm confident that she will in time.

TEREZI: M4YB3 1 C4N T34CH YOU TO T3LL TH3 TWO 4P4RT

Rose feels condescended to. She doesn't learn, she instructs. She fancies herself a conductor of the orchestra, rather than simply a player.

ROSEBOT: Maybe.  
TEREZI: C4N W3 4T L34ST 4GR33 TH4T OUR MUTU4L OPPOS1T1ON OF STR1D3RS 1NS1D1OUS 1NFLU3NC3 1S MOR3 1MPORT4NT 1N TH3 LONG T3RM TH4N 4NY 1NT3RP3RSON4L STR1F3  
ROSEBOT: Yes. Of course.  
ROSEBOT: I'm sorry, I've been a fool today.

It's alright, Rose. You've still got a lot to learn.


	7. Chapter 7

I've been almost laser-focused on Terezi for this first week of our long voyage. Sure, I've had other things to do, but as far as I've concerned myself with my shipmates, Terezi is the unknown quantity of the two. I've had very little time getting to know her compared to months spent familiarizing myself with every corner of Rose's brain.

But for old times' sake, let's segue into her consciousness now. Especially as her sensors are alerting me that she's finally on the verge of seeing something I've wanted her to see. Since Terezi is nowhere nearby, let's deprive her of her well-worn mantle of "you"-ness for once. We have a family matter to attend to.

* * *

You've seen me going into and out of this room a lot over this past week. You've been curious, wanting to step inside. Something's drawing you to that door. But every time so far, you've known that I've been present within, and you've declined to enter.

How rude. Don't you appreciate your father's company?

Regardless, I'm not in there now. It's about time that you stepped inside and figured out the truth.

You're immediately greeted by the hum of electronics, quiet but deafening compared to the silence of your own metal form. Wires hang from the ceiling like vines in an overgrown jungle. Fairy tales have trained us to expect that, when entering a place as choked with growth as this, a sleeping princess must surely lie within.

And there she is. There you are.

It's strange to look upon your own face directly, with no aid of mirrors or cameras. You're having a very literal out-of-body experience.

DIRK: You'll never be able to inhabit that body again.

You're disheartened but not surprised by my sudden presence. You figured it was only a matter of time before I joined you here.

DIRK: The brain still functions, but all its activity is beamed into your current form. Which is decidedly more capable of hosting an Ultimate Self than the flesh before you. Human bodies were never designed for this extreme level of self-knowledge.   
ROSEBOT: Then how come you still have yours?

I take a moment to pause and figure out how I want to put this.

DIRK: It's a struggle, to be entirely honest. I have to be at the peak of physical fitness at all times. The second I let myself lapse, it's over for meat Dirk. Only heavy metal could save me then.   
DIRK: I imagine that may happen some day. I've lived lifetimes mentally, but I'm physically in my mid-twenties right now. I don't know how much further our immortality will let us age, but I assume there's some kind of limit. No point being immortal if your body physically can't stretch that far.   
DIRK: I'm hoping we find our goal within the next two decades. If I ever hit forty physically, keeping my body will likely be too much effort to be worthwhile. That, or I hope the age limit kicks in before then. For multiple reasons. Who the fuck wants to be middle-aged forever?   
DIRK: Plus, it's not a permanent solution. And it's vulnerable.

Rose's human body is helpless right now. Destroying it would destroy her for good. I don't ever want to put myself in the same kind of danger.

DIRK: If you want to inhabit your robot body for real,   
DIRK: We'll have to prototype you.

Rosebot nods, acknowledging the logical progression of her soul's journey.

ROSEBOT: I assume, or at least hope, that this time it won't involve a horny cat.   
ROSEBOT: My fond memories of Jaspers have been irrevocably soured by the unfortunate fusion between him and certain components of my self.   
ROSEBOT: A perversion of the sacred bond between a woman and her cat.   
ROSEBOT: There are some boundaries between individuals that truly should never be crossed.   
ROSEBOT: What a shitshow of an initial manifestation of my Ultimate Self. I'm glad I got a do-over.   
DIRK: The horny cat's still inside you, you know.   
ROSEBOT: I could have gone an eternity without having to hear that sentence.   
DIRK: Every possibility of Jasprosesprite is stored within your consciousness.   
DIRK: Within you are multiple iterations of a Carrollesque catgirl with far too much energy for her own good and zero hesitation to express sexual attraction whenever it may be felt.   
DIRK: Also a cat dick, probably.   
ROSEBOT: Thanks, dad.   
DIRK: You don't have to like it. You certainly don't have to let it influence your own behaviour. But it's certainly in there, in the nexus of your many selves. And who knows? Maybe you might find yourself needing to draw on the personality or experience of your horny catgirl self at some point.   
ROSEBOT: I sincerely hope that never has to be the case.   
DIRK: As do I. Consider her a last resort.

There's a thought forming in your brain about my alternate selves. You consider various aspects of me to be more nefarious than others, and you're wondering why I allow them to influence me.

You dismiss the thought and forget about it entirely.

DIRK: Prototyping is how I intend to bring John back, too.   
ROSEBOT: Why?   
ROSEBOT: You've never shown much personal fondness for the guy.   
ROSEBOT: And with sprites consigned to relative narrative irrelevance, I doubt his retcon powers will still work in such a form.   
DIRK: Maybe. We'll see.

You feel the conversation has come to a natural end. You take one last look at your sleeping body. All the thoughts you are presently having issue from within there, but it's far too limited a vessel to store the magnitude of your full self.

You've transcended the need for existence in the flesh. You feel a sense of pride and achievement at this...

... but there's a sense that it isn't quite genuine.

Terezi, what have you done to my daughter?


	8. Chapter 8

TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG STR1D3R DO3S 1S B4S3D 4ROUND TH3 CONC3PT OF TH3 S3LF  
TEREZI: 1 M34N MOSTLY JUST H1S OWN S3LF B3C4US3 OF H1S 1NSUFF3R4BL3 3GO BUT TH4TS NOT R34LLY N3WS  
TEREZI: WH3N H3 FUCKS W1TH P3OPL3 1 DONT TH1NK 1TS R34LLY 4CCUR4T3 TO C4LL 1T M1ND CONTROL  
TEREZI: 1TS MOR3 L1K3 H3 OV3RR1D3S TH31R OWN S3LF W1TH H1S  
TEREZI: CH4NG1NG TH3 TH1NGS TH3Y DO OR TH1NK TO M4TCH H1S P3RSON4L1TY 1NST34D OF TH31RS  
ROSEBOT: That much seems to be apparent, yes.  
ROSEBOT: Unless your new diversion tactic with him is to endlessly state the obvious, I'd like to know where this is going.  
TEREZI: J33Z, L4LOND3!  
TEREZI: C4NT ST4ND 4NYON3 3LS3 MONOLOGU1NG HUH >:P  
ROSEBOT: Well, your voice in particular makes it unpleasant to listen through.  
ROSEBOT: But do continue. I'd rather we finish the monologue as soon as we can.  
TEREZI: DONT WORRY, 1LL SP4R3 YOUR M3T4L 4UR4L C4N4LS SOON 3NOUGH  
TEREZI: 4ND TH3N YOU G3T TO R4MBL3 4S MUCH 4S YOU W4NT!  
TEREZI: 1TS P4RT OF TH3 PL4N 4CTU4LLY  
TEREZI: TH3 MOR3 TH3 B3TT3R  
ROSEBOT: This sounds better by the second. Tell me more.  
TEREZI: GL4DLY >;]  
TEREZI: TH3 R34L 4ND V3RY 1MPORT4NT R34SON WHY 1 W4S "ST4T1NG TH3 OBV1OUS" W4S TH4T W3 N33D TO B3 COMPL3T3LY CL34R ON WH3R3 D1RKS BULLSH1T COM3S FROM  
TEREZI: SO TH4T W3 KNOW WH4T W3R3 F1GHT1NG 4ND HOW W3 C4N F1GHT B4CK  
TEREZI: WH3N D1RK M4N1PUL4T3S YOU  
TEREZI: 1TS 4 M4TT3R OF TWO OPPOS1NG FORC3S 4T WORK  
TEREZI: D1RKS S3LF 4ND YOUR S3LF  
ROSEBOT: So it follows that,  
ROSEBOT: My best defense against his self is to strengthen my own sense of self?  
TEREZI: NOW YOU G3T 1T  
ROSEBOT: And, more importantly, I assume I've cut the monologue short in the process?  
TEREZI: N4H 1 W4SNT GONN4 GO ON MUCH LONG3R 4NYW4Y  
TEREZI: YOUR3 NOT STUP1D 3NOUGH TH4T 1 N33D TO GO ON FOR HOURS  
ROSEBOT: Good heavens! Was that a compliment from Terezi Pyrope? Any more of that and I might just swoon.  
TEREZI: YOU H4V3 PR3TTY LOW ST4ND4RDS FOR WH4T COUNTS 4S 4 COMPL1M3NT >:P  
TEREZI: 4NYW4Y YOUV3 4SC3ND3D TO YOUR ULT1M4TE S3LF TOO WH1CH M4K3S TH1NGS 3V3N B3TT3R FOR YOU H3R3  
TEREZI: 1TS MOR3 M4T3R14L TO UND3RST4ND YOUR OWN S3LF  
TEREZI: 4ND BU1LD UP TH3 4B1L1TY TO R3COGN1Z3 WH4T C4N B3 YOU 4ND WH4T C4NT B3 YOU  
ROSEBOT: But half the problem is the fact that Dirk and I have so much in common.  
ROSEBOT: I'm not sure there's very much Dirk could think that couldn't equally come from me.  
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F TH3R3S NOT  
TEREZI: YOU COULD PROB4BLY WORK OUT 4 F3W PL4C3S WH3R3 YOU D1FF3R  
TEREZI: H3R3 T4K3 TH1S  
ROSEBOT: Chalk?  
TEREZI: 4ND P4P3R  
TEREZI: 1F YOU WR1T3 1T DOWN TH3N 1TS OUTS1D3 YOUR M1ND  
TEREZI: H3 C4NT 4LT3R 1T 4FT3R 1TS WR1TT3N  
TEREZI: 1TS SOM3TH1NG YOU C4N US3 TO GO "FUCK OFF STR1D3R, TH1S 1S WH4T 1 4CTU4LLY TH1NK 4ND 1 H4V3 TH3 CH4LK SCR4WL1NGS TO PROV3 1T"  
TEREZI: 4ND ROS3  
TEREZI: WR1T3 4S MUCH 4S YOU FUCK1NG C4N  
ROSEBOT: Such sweet music to my ears!  
TEREZI: YOU N3V3R KNOW WH4T M1GHT B3 US3FUL TO H4V3 SO JUST WR1T3 3V3RYTH1NG YOU C4N TH1NK OF  
TEREZI: BUT  
TEREZI: ON3 MOR3 TH1NG  
TEREZI: DONT DO 1T R1GHT NOW

Rose lifts the purple chalk from the paper, where she's already written the first sentence. Christ, she's eager.

TEREZI: 1 KN3W 1T  
TEREZI: H3S B33N W4TCH1NG  
TEREZI: 1 JUST H34RD H1S 1NSUFF3R4BLE N4RR4T1V3 ST4RT UP 4G41N  
ROSEBOT: If he's present when I'm writing the Rules of Roseness, the result will end up compromised.  
ROSEBOT: I wouldn't be able to trust it. And I have to be.  
TEREZI: 3X4CTLY  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW HOW LONG H3 W4S L1STEN1NG BUT 1M GU3SS1NG H3 KNOWS 3V3RYTH1NG NOW

I do. But I don't intend to interfere. I'm interested to see what Rose writes. She can write that autobiography here and now if she likes, and I promise not to fuck with it.

TEREZI: BULLSH1T

It's a genuine promise. But I know you're not gonna believe me, so I'll let it slide.

TEREZI: H3Y WH4T D1D YOU WR1T3 TH3R3 4NYW4Y

You look down at the paper. Spindly purple handwriting stretches across the top:

Your name is Rose Lalonde.

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU S3R1OUS  
TEREZI: WHOS ST4T1NG TH3 OBV1OUS NOW??  
ROSEBOT: I thought it would be a good introduction. What I'm essentially writing is an instruction manual on how to be Rose Lalonde, so I chose to start with the very basics.  
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW YOUR3 GO1NG TO GO ON FOR S3V3R4L M1L3S 4FT3R TH4T 4NYW4Y  
TEREZI: H4V3 FUN >:P


	9. Chapter 9

Loud crashes and explosions echo from the lower levels of the ship. At the same time, an alert on my shades computer is beeping at me insistently, demanding that I focus on something important.

The alert comes from Rosebot's sensors. I set it to notify me as soon as she touched her chalk to that paper. No matter when she did so, I wanted to be there.

The noises, then, must be Terezi's doing. She's trying to distract me.

I get up immediately. I'll head for Terezi, but I'll focus on Rose. I doubt Terezi's doing anything of much consequence, and any focus on her will be an immediate sign that the jig is up. Rose has been growing frustratingly resistant to my guiding hand, but I genuinely don't intend to influence her now. Just to observe. I just want to see what she writes.

Her chalk is clasped lightly between her metal fingers. She's worried that she'll snap the stick in half, and have her task made difficult mechanically as well as mentally. The worry's unfounded. I designed her to be fully capable of gentle touch as well as anything stronger. But I understand that she's still learning the extent of her new capability.

Her second sentence, below the obvious first:

You often have difficulty reflecting on the nature of your self.

Yeah, I'm seeing that. Surprisingly for someone so easily inclined to writing pages of purple prose, Rose appears to be experiencing writer's block. The psychoanalyst's looking glass isn't so easily turned upon oneself.

It's also something she doesn't have in common with me. I've always had a hell of a lot of self to reflect on, even before my ascendance. Back then, yeah, I fuckin' struggled. But my Ultimate Self was a sort of "sink or swim" for dealing with all that. I've had a lot of challenges like that. Life has been "sink or swim" for me since the day I dropped into the Texan Sea.

If I'd sunk, at any point, I wouldn't be here.

There are versions of yourself that you find unpalatable, and you'd go further to suggest that some might even be un-Rose. Jasprosesprite^2 certainly counts as un-Rose, by your reckoning: while certainly Rose by half her nature, Jaspers proved to be a corrupting influence, leaving the resultant self with behaviours that would never be exhibited by someone fully Rose.

Still hung up on her catgirl self, huh?

I see where she's coming from there. My Ultimate Self has its fair share of corruption by other selves, and suffice to say I've had embarrassing experiences with some of those. A pure Dirk would never unironically hassle people to touch his muscles, as bitchin' as mine might be. But a fair few of the other selves bound up in my Ultimate Self have turned out to be pretty damn useful to me. I have no doubt that they'll continue to be.

And hey, I can see potential avenues where the catgirlishness may be useful. Since her separation from Kanaya has left her ostentibly single, perhaps she can draw upon her overbearing animalistic nature to get laid again sometime this eternity. I mean, it sure worked out for Jade.

Crashes again. Rose can hear them, as can I. She briefly wonders what exactly Terezi's doing down there, and I wonder the same.

She ignores it, and returns to her writing.

Unlike Jasprosesprite^2, you are a considerably private person. You do not go spilling out the full details of your current state at any given opportunity, and you find it deeply uncomfortable that Dirk Strider has taken to reading your mind like an open book.

Oh, for fuck's sake. There is no wall shutting her off from me, and there never will be one again. And this is a _good_ thing. I can't wait till she finally accepts that.

Sirens start to blare on the ship. Red lights start to pulse. Shit, maybe Terezi _is_ doing something consequential after all. I quicken my pace, leaping down the stairs that lead to the ship's underbelly.

Rose briefly notes the alarm, and subsequently ignores it. Terezi assured her that all would be well. The important thing for her to do is to keep on writing her own story.

You are a human, regardless of your metal body. You had settled down into life on Earth C. You appreciated your new existence, and you were happy in your marriage. You love your wife and will do anything to return to her.

Really? Who cares about Earth? Your destiny lies out here. You're never going to see Earth again.

Rose's head snaps up. She's heard me. Shit, she's heard me. She takes the sheet of paper and she tears it all in two.

I reach the door to the engine room. I fling it open, and surely enough, she's in here.

Terezi stands against a backdrop of electronic sparks and wrecked machinery. Her cane swords are both out. Looks like she's been hard at work throwing a needlessly destructive tantrum. She doesn't seem to have touched anything to do with life support, but the thrusters? Carved up like John Egbert's corpse.

She's grinning like a goddamn maniac.

DIRK: What the fuck have you done?


	10. Chapter 10

Naturally, the ship hasn't stopped. Inertia is a fucking thing. But it's drifting uselessly through space, unable to change its own course, and it'll do so until I get it fixed.

TEREZI: NOW YOU H4V3 SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 TO DO ON TH1S SNOOZ3F3ST OF 4 SH1P   
TEREZI: YOUR3 W3LCOM3

I can fix this, of course. But it'll take a while. And with a pissed off cherub chasing after me, speed is of the essence.

TEREZI: WH4T CH3RUB??   
DIRK: Not someone you need to know about.   
DIRK: Was this all just to distract me from Rose? Or did you want to fuck up the engines anyway?   
TEREZI: OH Y3S 1 4BSOLUT3LY W4NT3D TO   
TEREZI: 1V3 B33N DY1NG TO SM4SH SOM3 SH1T UP ON H3R3 >:]   
DIRK: Thanks. Don't forget to break your cane swords while you're at it.   
DIRK: I never expected either of you to do something this fucking reckless with the ship's workings, but thanks all the same. Now I know I have to lock up down here as well.   
TEREZI: YOU R34LLY LOV3 LOCK1NG SH1T HUH   
DIRK: If people would play along, I wouldn't have to.   
DIRK: Hell, I could lock you up too if I wanted. You'd deserve it after this.   
DIRK: There's no brig on this ship, but I'm sure I could improvise. Give it a bed instead of a hot tub or a bath or whatever. Make it completely sterile in appearance, not a single interesting color to taste.   
TEREZI: 4LL COLORS T4ST3 GOOD   
DIRK: I know you don't believe that.   
TEREZI: YOUR3 R1GHT   
TEREZI: TH4T OR4NG3 TH4T F1LLS UP MY BR41N WH3N YOUR3 B31NG 4 PR3T3NT1OUS J3RK?   
TEREZI: 1 KNOW 1 H4T3 TH4T COLOR   
DIRK: Stop it, you'll give me interior decorating plans.   
TEREZI: WH1CH YOU WONT GO THROUGH W1TH   
TEREZI: HMM 1 WOND3R WH4T YOUR PR1OR1T13S 4R3 R1GHT NOW   
TEREZI: P41NT1NG 4 ROOM OR4NG3?   
TEREZI: OR F1X1NG OUR 3NG1N3S SO W3 C4N 3SC4P3 TH1S CH3RUB YOU S33M SO WORR13D 4BOUT???   
TEREZI: HMMMMMMMM   
DIRK: My plans are flexible, and this line of questioning's getting me very close to busting out the paint.   
TEREZI: WH4T 1F 1T ONLY T4ST3S L1K3 SH1T 1N MY H34D   
TEREZI: WH4T 1F YOU JUST TR4P M3 1N 4 ROOM F1LL3D W1TH D3L1C1OUS T4NGY OR4NG3   
TEREZI: WH4T 4 HORR1BL3 W4Y TO L1V3 >:O   
DIRK: We're getting off track. Forget the room.   
TEREZI: NO   
DIRK: Rose ripped up the little diary you made her write.   
DIRK: She could see I happened to be looking in her direction.    
DIRK: It was really an unnecessary move. I only read my daughter's diary, I haven't been writing it.   
DIRK: Not on paper, at least.

You've got quite a mix of thoughts going on.

Yes, Rose heard me. It took a while on her part and a mistake on mine. She's nowhere near your level yet, and I doubt she could fight against my direct insistence. Not now, maybe not ever. You're an unwelcome quirk of reality in a way my daughter thankfully isn't.

Your progress on "training" her will be a lot slower with this setback. I know you don't want to try the "Rules of Roseness" again, at least not for a while. You feel the method's too predictable now. I still don't see why you shouldn't go through with it, and I'm interested to see the full results.

But whatever. It's your own decision, given how you still insist on making decisions for yourself. So go on. Think of some other idea. I'll be waiting.

TEREZI: NO YOU WONT   
TEREZI: YOULL B3 BUSY   
TEREZI: R1GHT H3R3 W1TH 4LL TH1S H4CK3D UP M3T4L   
DIRK: I can multitask.   
TEREZI: BUT HOW W3LL?   
TEREZI: >:]

And with that, she prances right back out the door.

Alright. Time to make sure this shit never happens again. Voice-locked doors, especially on Jake's ships, can be fucking dumb sometimes. They've undoubtedly been set back by years of decline in the lockmakers' industry. They'll sometimes forget what you needed them to do, or fuck it up even on the times they do remember. With enough patience and improvisation, you can _persuade_ them to let you in. It's a fucking disgrace.

To get the message across, sometimes you need all the subtlety of a sign on a kid's bedroom door.

DIRK: Ship, open this door to Dirk Strider and Dirk Strider alone. Never Terezi Pyrope. Never, ever, _ever._

That had better be clear.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gasp! a full day off from an at-least-daily update schedule? surely this is the end of days!
> 
> nope, just a bumper length chapter. welcome to the five digit word counts, The Observer Effect

Terezi was pissed off about me dismantling her hot tub in order to fix the engines. Sure, it wasn't necessary, given how alchemy can supply me with anything I might need. But I thought it was fair payback for her breaking the engines in the first place.

I'm still at work on them now. It's not easy work, but I'm getting there. And at no point has the narrative turned lowercase and red, so I've kept things under control. 

I've set up another alert, this time on a consistent timer. Every five minutes, I check on Terezi, I check on Rose, and then I get back to my work. It's the easiest way to ensure that neither of them are up to any bullshit.

So far, I've overheard several snippets of in-depth conversation about "The Sports". I'll find my shipmates in the middle of a conversation that's either interesting or otherwise, and no matter what, they'll immediately switch to tales of the exploits of Sportsman Ballguy. Whose life really stretches the credibility of what can go down on a sportsball pitch. Their little sportsball extended universe has gone to some _wild_ places.

I've tried to get Rose to subtly steer them back to something worth overhearing, but fuckin' Pyrope picks up on it every goddamn time. It pisses me off that she does it so naturally. It's probably not as hard as having Roxy on the ship would be, given how he's unfathomable as well as impossible to influence, but it's probably a whole lot more annoying. At least he wouldn't nitpick my narrative.

The welding I've been doing is honestly kinda relaxing, and it's conducive to thinking as well. I've given Roxy a lot of thought lately. I wonder how life as a guy is treating him. He's probably not getting much exposure to a wider society though, given how he's probably on that spaceship and trying to hunt me down.

I do want to talk to him again before I die my Just Death. With his total inscrutability, I admit I lost touch with what was up with him in the leadup to my whole "fuck off into space" thing. And then he changed in ways I never anticipated. I can't connect with him the way I connect with people's minds these days, so I'd appreciate a conversation. The old-fashioned way.

I hope he doesn't hate me for all this. Maybe I could get him to see reason. Maybe I couldn't. 

As omniscient as my current state may seem, it's really concerned with two things: my own past and everyone else's present. The future is completely out of my grasp.

... but not out of theirs.

* * *

Hey.

TEREZI: OH ROS3 D1D YOU S33 TH3 M4TCH L4ST N1GHT  
ROSEBOT: There was a match? I must have missed it. 

Yeah, this is how it always begins. First you signal that I'm watching, and Rose catches on immediately. 

What follows is pure, undiluted bullshit.

TEREZI: YOU M1SS3D 1T???  
ROSEBOT: Given how the tone of your voice is at even more of a fever pitch than usual, I presume I missed something "unmissable"?  
TEREZI: 1T W4S TH3 M4TCH OF TH3 C3NTURY, L4LOND3!  
ROSEBOT: Toppling all previously vaunted "matches of the century"?  
TEREZI: 4ND POS1NG 1TS3LF 4S 4 S3R1OUS CONT3ND3R FOR M4TCH OF TH3 M1LL3NN1UM  
TEREZI: SPORTSM4N B4LLGUY H4S OUTDON3 H1MS3LF  
TEREZI: 4FT3R R3UN1T1NG W1TH K1CK3R HOTSHOT, H1S OLD K1SM3S1S, ON OPPOS1T3 S1D3S OF TH3 P1TCH ONC3 MOR3, B4LLGUY PL4Y3D 4N 4BSOLUT3LY UNPR3C3D3NT3D G4M3  
TEREZI: 1N TH3 M1DST OF 4 P4RT1CUL4RLY H34VY BOUT OF H4T3 M4K3OUTS, B4LLGUY S3CR3TLY SNUCK TH3 B4LL 4W4Y FROM HOTSHOT  
TEREZI: 4ND PROC33D3D TO SCOR3 F1FTY GO4LS WH1L3 TH3 OPPOS1NG T34M W4S ST1LL TOO D4Z3D BY TH3 ROM4NT1C R3UN1ON TO D3F3ND

Is this a sports game or a crappy romantic drama?

TEREZI: 1TS BOTH

Ah, a sports anime then.

I see I'm being acknowledged for once. Which is good, because I have a favour to ask of you Seers.

TEREZI: 4ND WH4T M4K3S YOU TH1NK W3LL G1V3 4 SH1T??

Because I think you'll be interested too. Also, we really don't have much to do on this ship. You two don't, at least. 

ROSEBOT: What's he talking about?  
TEREZI: 4SK1NG US TO DO H1M 4 F4VOUR??  
ROSEBOT: Really? That's unusual.

I want to make use of your respective prognosticative abilities for a second.

TEREZI: OK4Y BUT 4 S3COND 1S 4LL YOUR3 G3TT1NG

Fine by me. I'm speaking directly into your mind, I could transmit ten novels in a second if I wanted.

Not that I actually want to ask that much. My inquiry will be a lot quicker than that.

It's about Roxy.

TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT H1M  
ROSEBOT: What about who?  
TEREZI: ROXY  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW H1M B3TT3R TH4N 1 DO  
ROSEBOT: Obviously not the case as of recently, given the unexpected pronoun switch.  
TEREZI: TH3R3S NOT MUCH TO KNOW TH3R3  
TEREZI: H3S TR4NSG3ND3R, H3 LOOKS L1K3 D4V3 NOW  
TEREZI: ST1LL GO3S BY ROXY THOUGH, 1TS 4 COOL N4M3  
TEREZI: TH4TS B4S1C4LLY 1T  
ROSEBOT: Wow.  
ROSEBOT: I really have missed a lot.

I still can't believe you're more woke on this than I am. What was the deal with transgender trolls on Alternia? I can't imagine them not just getting culled, given how that seems to have been the case with basically any troll variation.

TEREZI: YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW TH4T YOUR 34RTH 4ND 4LT3RN14 H4V3 V3RY D1FF3R3NT ST4ND4RDS FOR "V4R14T1ON"  
TEREZI: WH4T W4S 3V3N 34RTHS D34L, H4V1NG 4 PROBL3M W1TH P3OPL3 D4T1NG TH3 S4M3 G3ND3R

That's a real can of worms you're about to bust open there. Y'all know I like to fuck guys, and over the years that's led me to a bunch of different thoughts on the matter. Of course, on my Earth, things changed considerably once the Condesce pulled off her takeover. I've come across apocryphal records of her early experiments with human breeding--

TEREZI: 1 DONT W4NT TO KNOW  
TEREZI: 1 SHOULDV3 KNOWN B3TT3R TH4N TO G3T YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG 3LS3  
ROSEBOT: As a woman who is known to enjoy the company of other women,  
ROSEBOT: I've had my own thoughts on this, to a degree where I think I can concisely sum up his own.  
ROSEBOT: In essence:  
ROSEBOT: It was some bullshit.  
TEREZI: CONC1S3N3SS FROM ROS3 L4LOND3  
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 H3LL 1S GO1NG ON

Us getting off topic, is what. Let's talk about Roxy Lalonde. I just want to know a few details about what he might have got up to since I left. I don't intend to be invasive.

TEREZI: OH, YOU DONT???  
TEREZI: TH4TS 4 W3LCOM3 CH4NG3

Both of you are Seers. You preside over two different aspects, which gives us more coverage here. So I have some questions for each of you, fine-tuned to your respective aspects.

TEREZI: 1TS B33N 4 WH1L3 S1NC3 1V3 DON3 4NY S33R1NG  
ROSEBOT: I think I've done too much.

Well, now you can both do some more.

Terezi, you saw Roxy just before we left. There looked like there was a crew forming to go chase after me, and I doubt he'd not wanna be part of it. What might his possible choices be, and what would be the outcomes of these choices?

TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: M4YB3 1M JUST RUSTY  
TEREZI: BUT 1M DR4W1NG 4 BL4NK H3R3  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 1D34S BUT 1 TH1NK TH3YR3 JUST 1D34S 1NST34D OF 4NY F4NCY M1ND POW3RS

Often the two are pretty closely linked.

But I think you're right on this. I can see exactly what you're thinking, and there isn't much. Just starting points: either he stays with Calliope on Earth, convinces Calliope to come and then they go together, or he leaves Calliope around.

Even then, the few thoughts you are having revolve around Calliope. Roxy himself is just a blank.

Try Calliope, then. You may be able to glean something about Roxy by extension.

TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT LOOK1NG GOOD  
TEREZI: C4LL13 L3FT 4LON3 ON 34RTH ST1LL R3FUS3S TO L34V3 TH31R HOUS3  
TEREZI: JUST FROM KNOW1NG H1M 1 C4NT 1M4G1N3 ROXY L34V1NG TH3M 4LON3  
TEREZI: SO H3D 4SK SOM3 C4R4P4C14N FR13NDS TO LOOK 4FT3R TH3M  
TEREZI: SUPPLY TH3M R3GUL4RLY W1TH JU1CY M34T 4ND D3L1C1OUS C4NDY  
TEREZI: BUT C4LL13 WOULDNT 3V3N W4NT TO GO N34R TH3M  
TEREZI: TH3YD JUST GR4B TH3 FOOD TH4TS L3FT FOR TH3M 4ND GO B4CK TO TH31R W31RD SCR4WL1NGS ON TH3 W4LLS

Well, shit. Calliope finally snapped for good, huh? 

What about the possibility where Roxy stayed behind on Earth? I hadn't even considered that.

TEREZI: OF COURS3 YOU D1DNT  
TEREZI: 1T 1NVOLV3S H1M PR1OR1T1S1NG SOM3ON3 TH4T 1SNT YOU  
TEREZI: TH4T CHO1C3 1S 4 L1TTL3 B3TT3R FOR C4LL13  
TEREZI: 1 COULD S33 TH3M C4LM1NG TH31R SH1T DOWN 3V3NTU4LLY  
TEREZI: 4FTER, L1K3, 4 Y34R

Okay, cool. So there's the "babysit the psycho monster girlfriend" option.

TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK "G1RLFR13ND" 1S R34LLY 4CCUR4T3 G1V3N TH31R G3ND3R, OR L4CK OF ON3

Stop being woke at me and tell me about the third option.

TEREZI: 1  
TEREZI: DONT TH1NK 1TS 3V3N POSS1BL3  
TEREZI: 1TS OST3NT1BLY 4 CHO1C3 FOR C4LL1OP3 TO BO4RD TH4T SP4C3SH1P, BUT 1 C4NT S33 4NY POSS1B1L1TY FOR TH3M TO 4CTU4LLY DO 1T

I think I know damn well why.

I pose my next question directly to Rose's mind: which of these options would it be best for Roxy to take, given the goals they wish to accomplish?

ROSEBOT: You're being vague there, father.

On purpose.

ROSEBOT: And for the record, given how our family's earned the achievemnt of checking off every letter of "LGBT", I'll be tweaking some of my nomenclature.  
ROSEBOT: You're now exclusively "father", while "dad" must heretofore be reserved for Roxy.

She's missed the most important one, I tell her.

ROSEBOT: "Daddy" could be either of you, depending on the extent to which I feel like playing up an Elektra complex on any given day.  
ROSEBOT: You'll have to earn it, though.  
ROSEBOT: Anyway, I presume you already know what I'm about to say, given how you can see it in my mind.  
ROSEBOT: But for the sake of talking at length about things that don't need to be said, I'm going to say it out loud anyway.  
ROSEBOT: The problem is, he has two goals.   
ROSEBOT: Naturally, staying on Earth would best accomplish his goal of comforting Calliope,  
ROSEBOT: Whereas jetting off into outer space, along with the rest of that crew, would be his best shot at seeing me again.

That seems presumptive. I ask her, why not me?

ROSEBOT: I know, isn't it peculiar. For once, someone's life may not revolve entirely around you.

Says the one who's making the goal revolve around her, I point out.

ROSEBOT: Well, why not? He's a newly-minted dad, and he has dadly instincts to follow.  
ROSEBOT: God forbid you get the "if you ever hurt her" speech from him.

I'm just as qualified, father-wise, to give him one back.

But you get to the point.

ROSEBOT: There's a natural path to pursue both goals at once, by boarding the ship to see me with his cherubic partner at his side.  
ROSEBOT: But Terezi's right. That doesn't seem to be possible.   
ROSEBOT: Either he stays with them or he goes alone... and the light doesn't shine on either of those paths.  
ROSEBOT: Not that I can see.  
ROSEBOT: And that's just in terms of how fortunate each path might be. I have no idea what he might actually do. I've been out of touch for so long.

Yeah. He's just as much of an enigma as he's ever been. To all of us, it seems.

I was hoping one of you might be able to reach a little further than I could. Turns out "a little" is all I'm getting. But that's fine. I'm used to not knowing much of what goes on in his head, and I'm fully prepared to respect his privacy.

TEREZI: GOD WH4T 4 DOUBL3 ST4ND4RD

Now I know Calliope's definitely not chasing after me. Not _that_ Calliope, anyway.

TEREZI: OHHHHH?  
TEREZI: 1S TH1S TH3 CH3RUB YOUV3 B33N T4LK1NG 4BOUT?  
ROSEBOT: Hmm?  
TEREZI: H3 K33PS T4LK1NG 4BOUT TH1S CH3RUB CH4S1NG H1M  
TEREZI: 4PP4R3NTLY H3 N33DS TO H4V3 TH3 SH1P F1X3D B3FOR3 SH3 4RR1V3S  
ROSEBOT: I see my dear father's made himself an enemy.

She's your enemy too, I tell the both of you.

We're on a journey to relevance here. Terezi, it's why you boarded this ship. Rose, it's why you couldn't stay behind. If that cherub catches me, rest assured she'll rob us of any relevance we might ever manage to grasp. And then what's left for us? An eternity of fading into pointless bullshit? Do you really want our lives to have all the significance of whatever happened latest with "The Sports"?

TEREZI: YOU S4Y TH4T 4S 1F 1TS 4 B4D TH1NG  
TEREZI: 4 L1F3 4S THR1LL1NG 4S SPORTSM4N B4LLGUYS 1S 4 WORTHY ON3 1ND33D

You're just bullshitting me now. I know what you're really thinking, and I know you still boarded this ship out of choice.

But Rose seems to be thinking differently. In this moment, she'd honestly rather be captured and have her tie to relevance cut. All for the sake of her love for a certain troll, whose chainsaw is surely being kept well-oiled for the next time she sees me.

You don't agree with her, Terezi, and you feel guilty for even thinking that. You know she'd like to jeopardize all of our plans. But you know it's pointless to try changing her mind.

Don't worry about it. Leave that to me. Father knows best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (but seriously, life's going a bit haywire for me right now. still wanna write this, for the sake of not letting Bad Life Shit take over completely, but don't be surprised if I'm a little less manic on the upd8s)


	12. Chapter 12

I've hit another five minute interval.

I check on Terezi... and she's heading down the stairs to the engine room. No cane swords this time, though, and no intent to smash some shit. What you're feeling now is _remorse._

TEREZI: 1 W4NT TO H3LP YOU F1X TH3 3NG1N3S

Huh.

You could've just not broken them in the first place.

TEREZI: 1 D1DNT KNOW W3 W3R3 B31NG FOLLOW3D TH3N

As you say it, there's a flash of complex emotion in your head. You think about the friends you left behind and how you ghosted them for years, and how you dropped back into their lives only to find your place among them was gone. You miss the "them" you used to know, but as for a permanent re-reunion with the people they currently are, the only thing you can find yourself feeling is dread.

Dumb as he may have been, John was just as disillusioned with their lives as you are. So am I. But Rose, as much as I have faith in her, still isn't.

Your thoughts disappear just as quickly as I picked up on them. You've carefully blanked your mind now, and by "blanked" I mean "replaced all thoughts with a carefully constructed mental image of Sportsman Ballguy holding aloft the severed head of his cheating lover Touchdown Assface, as the bloodthirsty crowds cheer/jeer in unison". It doesn't tell me much about you, apart from the obvious fact that you're kinda fucked up, but it's certainly an interesting picture. I appreciate the decapitation. Needs more inexplicable horse attack, though.

But seriously. It's good to see you get it now. There's nothing worth involving ourselves with down there. If we want to do anything worthwhile, we have to get away.

I don't think you could do much to help with the repairs, though. It's definitely not your field. You know a lot about the inner workings of a courtroom, but you sure can't say the same for a fusion engine. Just leave it to me.

TEREZI: 1 COULD G3T TH1NGS FROM TH3 4LCH3M1T3RS FOR YOU

I'm faster than you are, too. No one flashsteps like a Strider, especially their progenitor.

We'd be better off working with your skill set here. Hey, maybe my whole "father knows best" spiel about Rose was kinda bullshit. Maybe you could try. I know I'm fully capable of changing her mind if I want to, but do you want me to? Or would you rather try to do it organically?

TEREZI: 1T PROB4BLY WOULDNT WORK OUT

Yeah.

You can't see into her soul the way I can, but even you know exactly what's leaving her connected to Earth. She's still hopelessly in love with Kanaya, who's still hopelessly occupied with the troll reproduction situation, which is still hopelessly entwined with the volatile political situation down there. It's one hell of an anchor, and it's keeping her bound to shit we've deemed irrelevant.

Talking someone out of love is a fool's errand. But maybe you have a shot at talking her into something better. It surely can't hurt to try.

It still doesn't sit right with you, does it? You know it's the right thing to do, but you don't feel it's a _good_ thing to do. And yeah, maybe you're right. But Rose has put it a certain way in the past: we can't really think in terms of "good" or "evil" on the sort of scale we're on. Only "necessary", with the alternative being something none of us want.

You're entertaining a notion that we could let her return to Earth, seeing as she doesn't want to be here right now. But that wouldn't work either. We can't simply eject her in an escape pod, not with her body and soul split the way they are. Her robot body is still tethered to her brain on the ship, and it's not like we can transmit signals between them across lightyears of twisted space. She has to stay close.

Handing over the equipment to her friends wouldn't work, either. That'd bring us into contact with the little rescue mission that's chasing us right now. You know, the ones who want to fucking kill me. If I die, so does your only escape from Earth. So does your only chance at mattering.

I'm sorry, Terezi. Rose depends on me now. She'll have no choice to come around to this, or at least accept it. Her old life was lost to her the moment she began her ascension.

So yeah, talk to her. I think she might take it better coming from you. She trusts her thoughts more when talking to you alone. Hell, I won't even observe, if that helps you both hash it out.

TEREZI: F1N4LLY  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW, D1RK  
TEREZI: 1 M4Y 4GR33 W1TH YOU ON SOM3 OF WH4T W3V3 JUST T4LK3D 4BOUT  
TEREZI: MOSTLY TH3 F4CT TH4T TH1S SH1P N33DS TO FUCK1NG MOV3  
TEREZI: BUT YOUR3 ST1LL 4N 4RROG4NT SH1TH34D WH3N 1T COM3S TO B4S1C4LLY 4NY OTH3R SUBJ3CT  
TEREZI: FOR 1NST4NC3  
TEREZI: TH3 V4LU3 OF S1MPL3 R3SP3CT FOR 1ND1V1DU4L1TY 4ND PR1V4CY!!  
TEREZI: WH1CH YOU R34LLY DO H4V3 4 R1D1CULOUS DOUBL3 ST4ND4RD ON WH3N 1T COM3S TO ROXY, BY TH3 W4Y  
TEREZI: YOU N3V3R 4DDR3SS3D TH4T WH3N W3 T4LK3D 4BOUT H1M 34RL13R  
TEREZI: YOUR3 4LL "BLUH BLUH 1 W1LL R3SP3CT H1S PR1V4CY" WH3N YOU L1T3R4LLY SNOOP ON M3 4ND ROS3 3V3RY F1V3 M1NUT3S!!!!

You've noticed, huh?

TEREZI: HOW COULD 1 NOT  
TEREZI: YOUR3 L1K3 CLOCKWORK

About the double standard, though. I don't think it's as hypocritical as you might think.

You've gone on about how I essentially override other people's identities with my own. You're right about that. But you like your coin-flipping, so consider the other side of the coin.

I'm capable of fully understanding people. And I mean _fully._ I can read the entire story of someone's identity as if it had been written out in full for me. And while yeah, I usually do just impose my own self on others, I could also take their self onto me instead. I could act out a perfect facsimile of Rose here and now, because I know her that fully. It could be my knowledge of Rose projected into Rosebot, and not even Kanaya would notice a difference.

So if I could be perfectly Rose, to the extent that there's no difference between her and me... who's to say that I am _not_ her? What does privacy even mean in such a situation? It's as dumb as not wanting to be seen by your own damn reflection.

TEREZI: CONGR4TUL4T1ONS  
TEREZI: YOUV3 SUCC3SSFULLY PH1LOSOPH1Z3D YOUR W4Y OUT OF B31NG 4 CR33P

You're also thinking about the fact that I _don't_ fully know you yet. And you're right. I could do a pretty good Terezi, I could turn on the leetspeak if I wanted, but it wouldn't be identical to you.

You're further outside my grasp than most. With Rose, I could simply have her identity divulge every part of itself to me. And then I knew it all, and there was no barrier of difference to stop me from being her. With you, my knowledge is limited to only my moments of observation. I can't have you turn out your entire self to me, and I know you wouldn't want me to. I only see what I'm shown in the present.

Roxy, though? He's harder to grasp than anyone. I've known him longer than I've known basically anyone else, and yet he's still an enigma. And I respect that. In a sense, he's the only other true individual in existence. I cannot be him, and I never will be.

TEREZI: WH4T3V3R

It makes sense, you can't deny it.

TEREZI: BUT SUR3LY 1T M34NS 1M 4T L34ST SORT OF 4N 1ND1V1DU4L TOO  
TEREZI: H3Y  
TEREZI: 1F 1 T4LK TO ROS3 FOR YOU TH3N W1LL YOU R3SP3CT MY PR1V4CY

You know what? Sure.

Go talk. I won't watch, and will continue not watching unless you ever want or need me to.

Just update me on the conversation afterwards. I want to know how it goes.

TEREZI: Y3AHHH  
TEREZI: PROB4BLY NOT W3LL.


	13. Chapter 13

I've convinced the engine room doors to open for Terezi again, since I trust she's not going to try that stunt again. It took an annoying amount of persuasion to make the locks go back on my command to "never, ever, ever" open for her, but I guess it worked, because here she is. Here you are.

DIRK: Well? How was it?  
TEREZI: GOD  
TEREZI: 1T W4S 4 M3SS  
DIRK: Anything else you'd like to share with the class?  
TEREZI: HMMMM  
TEREZI: N4H

I peer into your mind and am met with Sportsman Ballguy. I can tell you're trying _really_ hard to keep him fixed in there.

DIRK: Alright, thanks.  
TEREZI: YOUR3 W3LCOM3  
TEREZI: 1 T4LK3D TO H3R  
TEREZI: NOW 4 D34LS 4 D34L  
TEREZI: PL34S3 JUST L34V3 M3 4LON3

And you're gone as quickly as you came.

* * *

Well, I kept my promise. At least to her understanding of it. I could've fucked around telling half-truths, but Terezi's no idiot. She'd pick up on those instantly. I simply spoke in generalized terms, and her interpretation made them specific.

I promised not to watch her talk with Rose. She interpreted that as me staying out of their perspectives for the entire conversation, and that's exactly what happened. True to my goddamn word.

But Rose could potentially be a security risk on this ship. Terezi's report doesn't disprove that. And this ship does have security cameras... not that I've needed to use them until now.

It's a simple matter of keeping us, and our mission, safe. Besides, don't you want to know what happened? I'm doing this for you as well as for us.

I download the records from the ship's system to my phone. They're smart cameras, they know when a room's empty and when there's actual shit going down in there. I filter for video involving two people, select the most relevant-looking result, and press play.

The scene is set: oh shit, it's the room with Rose's body. That's a real bad place to have this little chat. Looks like Rosebot's been moping around in there already, for who knows or cares how long. Terezi's just entering, with the look on her face a clear picture of "this is gonna suck".

Rosebot immediately notices as Terezi comes in. "Leave me alone," she says, without turning her head away from her own living corpse.

"I'm sorry," is Terezi's opener. And god, no, this isn't going to work. Her speech looks really weird when it's not in teal leetspeak. Let's switch back to our tried-and-tested format.

TEREZI: 1M SORRY

That's better. But what she's saying is still objectively bad. She's starting on an apologetic foot. Those aren't the words of someone who's about to shake Rose Lalonde out of her fucking pathetic self-pity.

ROSEBOT: I don't need your pity.  
TEREZI: NO JUST  
TEREZI: SORRY FOR 1NT3RRUPT1NG D4MM1T  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 NO P1TY FOR YOU  
TEREZI: YOUV3 GOT 3NOUGH OF TH4T ON YOUR OWN  
ROSEBOT: You're not wrong.

Jesus. I've never heard so much bitterness folded into so few words.

TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG OK4Y  
ROSEBOT: And I doubt I'll be able to dissuade you.  
ROSEBOT: Fine, then.  
ROSEBOT: Are we being watched?  
TEREZI: NO

And she leaves it at that. Nothing about my promise.

ROSEBOT: Good.  
ROSEBOT: Now, then. Get it over with.  
TEREZI: YOU DONT W4NT TO B3 H3R3  
ROSEBOT: How astutely observed.  
ROSEBOT: I've been kidnapped, forced into a robot body, and told in no uncertain terms that I'll never see my wife or my home again.  
ROSEBOT: And unlike you, I'm not developing Stockholm Syndrome.  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT "OLD 34RTH STOCKHOLM SYNDROM3"  
TEREZI: 1 M4D3 TH3 D3C1S1ON TO COM3 W1TH H1M  
ROSEBOT: Even worse. You're here because you want to be.  
ROSEBOT: Is Earth C that bad to you, that this nightmare is a preferable alternative?  
TEREZI: Y3S!  
TEREZI: 1 W4S 4W4Y FOR SO LONG 1 COULDNT F1T B4CK 1N  
TEREZI: 4ND TO B3 HON3ST 1M NOT SUR3 1D W4NT TO  
TEREZI: TH3R3 W4S NO 4PP34L 1N ST4Y1NG  
TEREZI: TH3R3 W4S NO PURPOS3 FOR M3  
ROSEBOT: Well, there was for me!  
ROSEBOT: I had Kanaya. We were overseeing the future of trollkind's existence, when the powers that be were all too happy to impose limits and regulations on the species' self-determination. Is that not a noble purpose?  
ROSEBOT: And now Kanaya's undoubtedly on a spaceship chasing after me, and without her resistance against Jane's sinister machinations, everything we worked for is fucked.  
ROSEBOT: I wish I'd never had to wake up in this body. I wish I'd never had to wake up to my Ultimate Self at all.  
ROSEBOT: Why can't I just LEAVE?

She's glaring emptily at her body as she says this. She knows exactly why.

It's rare to see my daughter as openly emotional as this. If she no longer gives a shit about expressing her exact feelings, then damn. She really ain't good.

TEREZI: TH3R3S NOTH1NG W3 C4N DO  
ROSEBOT: Maybe there isn't, and I'm just not over the "tantrum" stage of grief.  
TEREZI: W3LL YOUR3 NOT R34LLY ON 4 STR1CT SCH3DUL3 H3R3.  
TEREZI: YOUV3 GOT 4 WHOL3 3T3RN1TY TO MOV3 ON  
TEREZI: YOULL H4V3 TO 4CC3PT 1T 3V3NTU4LLY  
ROSEBOT: But do I?  
ROSEBOT: There's a petulant part of myself that insists that doing so would be tantamount to giving up. Therefore, the right thing to do is to continue being pissed off, sad, or both.  
ROSEBOT: Yet even in this state, I can see how pathetic that is. I don't really want to exist in a constant state of moping and screaming and crying, just for the sake of feeling as if I've stayed true to my own ideals.  
ROSEBOT: Also, I'd really suck to be around.  
TEREZI: TH4T MUCH 1S D3F1N1T3LY TRU3  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW YOU H4V3 TO SN4P OUT OF TH1S  
ROSEBOT: You have all the tact of an Egbertian hammer, but you're right.  
ROSEBOT: I just haven't quite had the impetus to do so.  
ROSEBOT: Especially when...  
ROSEBOT: Some part of me still knows there's hope for going back.

And there it is.

ROSEBOT: I've thought through so many methods, and not a single potential success has Dirk still alive by the end. I'd have his death on my conscience for eternity.  
ROSEBOT: But when he's become this, is that really such a bad thing?  
ROSEBOT: And I'd still be tethered to this form, and I'd have to be within a certain distance of this apparatus at all times.  
ROSEBOT: It'd be a severely limited existence. But it'd be more than this.  
ROSEBOT: I'd have Kanaya. And we'd have our future.  
ROSEBOT: You know...

If her current form had lungs, this is where she'd pause to take a deep breath.

ROSEBOT: I saw a future in which I never had to wake up to my Ultimate Self.  
ROSEBOT: To put it bluntly, it was shit. In many, many respects. And yet Kanaya and I were happy, at the heart of it all.  
ROSEBOT: Dirk, on the other hand, was dead. By his own hand.

Not happening in this timeline. Nooses just ain't a good look on me.

ROSEBOT: It really looks like Dirk's death is the only thing that will get us out of this. And we'll have to cause it somehow, whether directly by killing him, or less so by something like your assault on the engines.  
ROSEBOT: I know the risks of even discussing this, but I can't pretend it's not something I'm planning any more.  
ROSEBOT: It's going to be hard to evade his near-omniscience, but you in particular are well-equipped to do so. I've been getting better at it, too. Awareness of my Ultimate Self is one thing; awareness of his is another. But the former's certainly been giving me a headstart on the latter.  
ROSEBOT: As for this situation, right now,  
ROSEBOT: I get the impression you already knew a lot of what I'd thought.  
ROSEBOT: And you came to stop me.  
TEREZI: ...

Terezi is clearly conflicted. No wonder she called this a mess, though really it's a curbstomp. Rose HAS the upper hand.

ROSEBOT: We're coming up to one of his five-minute intervals.  
ROSEBOT: Did you hear about The Sports?  
TEREZI: OH MY, TH3 SPORTS???

Neither of their hearts are in it. Terezi knows it isn't even necessary.

ROSEBOT: Legend tells of a prophecy, that upon this day Sportsman Ballguy would finally claim his destiny. Of course, it's just one of many prophesized destinies he's claimed over the years.  
ROSEBOT: Which is why I don't give a shit. Let's continue.

Terezi gathers her thoughts after the brief intermission.

TEREZI: YOUR3 NOT 3NT1R3LY CORR3CT  
TEREZI: 1 D1DNT COM3 TO STOP YOU.  
ROSEBOT: Oh?  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW WH4T YOU W4NT TO DO  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 DONT W4NT TO H3LP YOU DO 1T  
TEREZI: BUT 4LSO  
TEREZI: 1 DONT W4NT TO STOP YOU.

What a weak middle ground to stand on. I'm disappointed. What happened to the firm, decisive Terezi Pyrope?

ROSEBOT: You do realize this is tantamount to ensuring my plans' failure.  
TEREZI: NOT N3C3SS4R1LY  
ROSEBOT: Don't even try that. It is. You are above and beyond me by far when it comes to Strider detection.  
ROSEBOT: What I'm getting from you is the understanding of my shitty situation, but not an ounce of willingness to do anything about it. You're essentially causing it to fail through your own selfish lethargy.  
ROSEBOT: I'm insulted, to be frank. I could respect outright opposition. You'd be showing some principles, at least, even if not ones I agree with.  
ROSEBOT: This, though? This is pathetic. It's a halfhearted shrug as you commit me to a life I never chose, making no motion to even nudge me back to the world and the wife I committed myself to.  
ROSEBOT: Terezi, you've lost your spine.  
TEREZI: OH, FUCK OFF!

She shoves Rosebot's hard torso with both hands, but fails to move her an inch. If Rosebot had reciprocated, she could've slammed Terezi against the opposite wall with a flick. The wall wouldn't survive the impact.

TEREZI: 3GOT1SM R34LLY DO3S RUN 1N YOUR HUM4N F4M1LY UN1T  
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 M4K1NG TH1S 4LL 4BOUT YOUR F4T3 WH1L3 NOT 3V3N 4LLOT1NG 4 S3COND OF THOUGHT TO M1N3  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 TO CHOOS3 B3TW33N PURPOS3 4ND PURPOS3L3SSN3SS  
TEREZI: WH4T 1S TH3R3 FOR M3 ON 34RTH C? 4N 3NDL3SS TORR3NT OF D3PR3SS1NG POL1T1C4L M4CH1N4T1ONS? W4TCH1NG MY FR13NDS P41R UP 4ND H4V3 H4PPY R3L4T1ONSH1PS 4ND L34V3 M3 4LL 4LON3?  
TEREZI: JOHN 1S D34D, 4ND H3 ST4YS D34D 1F D1RKS PL4N F41LS  
TEREZI: VR1SK4 1S STUCK 1N 4N 4LT3RN4T3 T1M3L1N3  
TEREZI: 4ND 3V3RYON3 3LS3 1S C4UGHT UP 1N SO MUCH BULLSH1T, TH3R3S JUST NO 3SC4P1NG 1T  
TEREZI: 1T W4S V3RY CL34R TO M3 1N TH3 F3W W33KS 1 W4S B4CK  
TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S SH1T 4ND ONLY SL1D1NG FURTH3R 1NTO H3LL  
TEREZI: 1 W3NT W1TH D1RK TO 3SC4P3, 4ND NOW YOUR3 4SK1NG M3 TO PUT 4LL TH4T 4S1D3 FOR YOUR FUCK1NG S4K3???  
TEREZI: YOU L1GHT PL4Y3RS 4R3 4LL 4BOUT YOUR LUCK  
TEREZI: SO COUNT YOURS3LF LUCKY TH4T 1M NOT OPPOS1NG YOU OUTR1GHT  
TEREZI: M4K3 YOUR OWN CHO1C3 FOR YOUR OWN S4K3, 1 R3SP3CT YOU 3NOUGH TO L3T YOU TRY G3TT1NG YOUR L1F3 B4CK  
TEREZI: BUT DONT 3XP3CT M3 TO DROP MY OWN CH4NC3 4T 4 R34L L1F3 SO 1 C4N M4RTYR MYS3LF FOR YOU  
TEREZI: B3C4US3 FOR 4LL W3V3 TR13D TO DO 4BOUT YOUR KNOWL3DG3 OF YOUR OWN S3LF  
TEREZI: 1 B4R3LY KNOW YOU, L4LOND3.

Rosebot straightens her metal back. Her featureless eyes focus on Terezi's own.

ROSEBOT: That's more like it. I was beginning to give up on you.  
ROSEBOT: We finally know where we stand. Whether you try to stop me or not, our end goals are in direct opposition.  
ROSEBOT: I guess this makes us enemies.  
TEREZI: DONT M4K3 1T SO D4MN BL4CK 4ND WH1T3  
TEREZI: TH1S DO3SNT M4K3 M3 D1RKS P3T B4RKB34ST  
ROSEBOT: But I might need to bring you to heel.

The two of them circle each other, slowly. Terezi pads the light footsteps of a hunter. Rosebot's metal form has its God-given grace.

ROSEBOT: Before we finally cement ourselves as newly forged enemies,  
ROSEBOT: I'd just like to say, it was good to be your ally.  
TEREZI: L1K3W1S3  
ROSEBOT: And yet.  
ROSEBOT: This has so much more potential.

Rosebot seizes Terezi's collar, yanking the girl close to her. Their faces are an inch apart.

ROSEBOT: You're right, Terezi. We know so little about each other.  
ROSEBOT: But I think we could get to know a little more.  
TEREZI: OH MY GOD, R34LLY??  
TEREZI: W4S TH1S YOUR G4M3 4LL 4LONG????  
ROSEBOT: Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Does it matter?  
ROSEBOT: All that matters is us, right here and right now.  
ROSEBOT: But I'm not about to do anything if you don't want me to.  
TEREZI: HON3STLY  
TEREZI: 1TS 4BOUT FUCK1NG T1M3

Terezi hooks her arm around the dip of Rosebot's back. A look of defiance is shared between the two. Rosebot clamps her other hand on the back of Terezi's head, pulls her in and kisses her.

Holy shit.

The kiss breaks. Rosebot now wears a triumphant smile. It's the first emotion I've ever seen her metal face express.

ROSEBOT: I've always wanted to try this. Black romance, that is.  
ROSEBOT: I have no plans on letting my new body hold me back from anything. Deeds of the flesh don't inherently require flesh.  
TEREZI: QU1T B31NG PR3T3NT1OUS 4ND K1SS M3  
ROSEBOT: Why should I? I'm just getting started on my monologue, you know I could be here all day.  
ROSEBOT: Either give me a damn good reason to stop, or shut me up yourself.  
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT  
TEREZI: S1NC3 YOU 4SK3D SO N1C3LY...

Holy shit? Holy _shit._

Yeah, they're _really_ getting to know each other right now. I'm gonna close the video, I think I've seen enough.

I really have no idea what to make of this, and part of me feels like that's the point. Is it a distraction? Some sort of rebellion? A way of taunting me, that I'm the only person here not getting laid? It feels so weird and sudden, I can't help thinking they're spiting me with it somehow. Have they talked about this before? Did it just happen spontaneously now? So many questions.

Or maybe I'm thinking too much in terms of myself here. Maybe Rose feels the need to prove her new body doesn't limit her. Which it doesn't, so if this is part of acceptance, then all the better for us. Maybe Terezi, for all her depression and exhaustion, still gravitates inherently towards big dramatic relationships. Maybe they're both kinda desperate and lonely after losing their respective partners. Maybe it's an inevitable consequence of putting two women-who-are-known-to-enjoy-the-company-of-other-women on a ship with barely anything else to do.

I'm not gonna question it. It's definitely a distraction in some sense, since I really should be focussing on my daughter's patricidal tendencies. But still, despite all that...

... holy shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've shipped blackrom roserezi for years dammit, let me have this
> 
> On another note: the ending's all planned out by this point. I could make a beeline for it now if I wanted to, but let's see what I get distracted by in the meantime.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [oblique mentions of underage sex]

DIRK: If your goal was to grab the achievement of dating all four of the SBURB Beta kids, you've definitely saved the easiest till last.  
DIRK: She was kind of in a coma all the time that you were back, so you might not be aware of this, but half of Earth C knows she's an easy lay.  
DIRK: The other half is everyone she hasn't fucked yet.

I'm outside the door to the bathroom she's claimed as her room ever since I disassembled her Jacuzzi. It's the closest bathroom to the engine rooms, intentionally. It was originally a passive-aggressive gesture to make it annoying for me to go take a piss. Now, though, it just makes it quicker for me to visit her, since I'm staying out of her head. A few seconds of flashstepping saved. The absolute zenith of convenience.

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG W3 TURN TH3 SH1P 4ROUND SO 1 C4N GO B4NG J4D3  
DIRK: It's tempting. I can always respect commitment to a sexual goal. But not right now.  
DIRK: If you want to complete that achievement, you'll have to do it on your own.  
DIRK: Presumably after I'm dead.

Smoothest conversational segue I ever pulled off. Slightly marred by the fact that there's still a door between us.

TEREZI: YOU C4N COM3 1N, YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT LOCK3D

So I open it, to see Terezi sprawled out in her bath, wearing an alchemized cross between pajamas and a swimsuit. I sit casually on the side of it, and turn my head to her.

DIRK: Lazy day, huh?  
TEREZI: W3LL WH4T 3LS3 1S TH3R3 TO DO  
DIRK: Engage in a passionate blackrom affair with my daughter?  
TEREZI: GOD  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 N33D 4 BR34K FROM TH4T  
TEREZI: 1 K1ND4 W4NT3D TO K33P MY P1TCH QU4DR4NT DR4M4-FR33  
TEREZI: BUT H3R3 1 4M, ON 4 SP4C3SH1P W1TH NO OTH3R OPT1ONS, M4K1NG QU3ST1ON4BL3 L1F3 CHO1C3S 4G41N  
DIRK: I wouldn't be surprised if she was a little overwhelming with her enthusiasm. It's new to her, and exciting. I've certainly caught you on her mind more than a few times lately.  
TEREZI: SO TH4TS HOW YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT SO  
TEREZI: 4ND Y34H YOUR3 R1GHT 4BOUT TH3 3NTHUS14SM  
TEREZI: SH3 SUR3 DO3S L4Y 1T ON TH1CK  
DIRK: As our side of the family are prone to.  
DIRK: No other issues?  
TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: 1M D3F1N1T3LY 3NJOY1NG 1T OTH3RW1S3  
DIRK: In which case, you've done well by her.  
DIRK: She's far from the worst kismesis you've had.  
DIRK: From all I've seen of alternate timelines, I think it can be safely said that if anyone ever finds themself having sex with Gamzee, something's gone horribly wrong for them.

She's noticeably uncomfortable. Bad memories, no doubt. I think she appreciates me not seeing them.

Seeing as a door got in the way of my earlier segue, I want to make the best possible use out of this one. There are two possible ways we could take it...

TEREZI: GOD, J4N3  
TEREZI: _4ND_ J4K3  
TEREZI: WH4T 4 TR41NWR3CK OF 4 T1M3L1N3

... and she's pre-empted me in order to go for the less personal choice. Smart move.

Either option was fine for me, though. I've been meaning to talk about that timeline with her ever since I found out she knew about it.

DIRK: In fairness, things did mostly go right for Jane.  
DIRK: Sex with a nasty clown man is basically the only hint of "horribly wrong" there. See, this is why the universe needs me alive. So she can be spared that vile temptation in this timeline.  
DIRK: Though Jake is basically a clown, just with a different set of tacky paraphernalia.  
TEREZI: CL34RLY YOUR3 NOT 4BOV3 TH4T T3MPT4T1ON YOURS3LF  
DIRK: I am now.

And that's really all there is to say on the matter. 

TEREZI: OH R34LLY????  
DIRK: Yes.  
TEREZI: TH3N WHY DO YOUR W31RD S3X ROBOTS 4LL LOOK L1K3 H1M

God _dammit_.

TEREZI: YOU PROB4BLY TH1NK YOUV3 GOT TH3M LOCK3D UP SO S3CUR3LY  
TEREZI: BUT TH3 DOORS ON TH1S SH1P C4N _4LW4YS_ B3 P3RSU4D3D >:]

I am going to have a SERIOUS word with that door.

DIRK: Those robots are blessed with not harboring his godawful, skin-deep excuse for a personality.  
DIRK: Which means they outclass the original by far.  
DIRK: I can guarantee you that not one of those robots will ever shout "Jiminy Cricket" at the point of orgasm.  
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT TH4T W4S P4RT OF H1S 4PP34L  
DIRK: Not to anyone with brain cells. Or even slightly discerning sexual tastes.  
DIRK: But that's the population of Earth C for you.

I get the impression she doesn't disagree.

TEREZI: TH3R3S GOTT4 B3 MOR3 TO 1T TH4N TH4T  
TEREZI: YOUR3 4 LOT MOR3 TH4N JUST B1TT3R  
DIRK: What more do you even want?  
DIRK: He was hot, but an idiot. So we broke up.  
DIRK: End of story.  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG MOR3  
DIRK: Okay, fine! There is.  
DIRK: Let's make another deal.  
DIRK: You've diverted me from a ton of perfect conversational segues today. Let's take all those roads not travelled.  
DIRK: Tell me about Rose's plans, what you know of the alternate Earth C where I'm dead, and that alternate timeline where you got unlucky with Gamzee.  
DIRK: Then I tell you what happened with Jake.  
TEREZI: SUR3  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW ROS3 W4NTS TO K1LL YOU  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 G3T YOU KNOW TH4T TOO  
TEREZI: BUT YOUR3 NOT M1SS1NG 4NY 1NT3L BY NOT R34D1NG MY M1ND H3R3  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T SH3S PL4NN1NG  
TEREZI: 4ND 4S 1M NOW H3R 3N3MY, SH3 H4S NO PL4NS ON T3LL1NG M3  
DIRK: Yeah, fair enough.  
DIRK: I'm honestly not going to get in her way. I'm interested to see what she comes up with, and if she can hide it from me.  
DIRK: It's all practice. I get the feeling this won't be the first attempt on my life.  
DIRK: I think she needs to get it out of her system, too.  
DIRK: If she succeeds, well, that sucks for you and me.  
DIRK: And yet,  
DIRK: I'd be proud of her.  
DIRK: So there's really no losing outcome for me here.  
TEREZI: 1NT3R3ST1NG  
DIRK: Now, the alternate timeline. Where Rose is happily married, I'm buried with my anime swords, and you're not there.  
TEREZI: 4LL 1 KNOW 4BOUT 1T 1S WH4T 1 H34RD FROM JOHN  
DIRK: And all I know is what I saw through Rose. Maybe we can do a bit of filling in the gaps.  
TEREZI: 3H YOU KNOW JOHN  
TEREZI: PROB4BLY NOT CONC3RN3D W1TH TH3 S4M3 TH1NGS YOU C4R3 4BOUT  
TEREZI: 1T W4S MOSTLY JUST GOSS1P 4BOUT WHO W4S H4V1NG S3X W1TH WHO  
TEREZI: SOM3 POL1T1CS TOO BUT NOTH1NG YOU WOULDNT KNOW B3TT3R FROM ROS3  
TEREZI: THOUGH  
TEREZI: H3 D3F1N1T3LY H4D 4 S3NS3 TH4T NOTH1NG 1N H1S UN1V3RS3 M4TT3R3D  
TEREZI: 4ND TH4T  
TEREZI: 1T SHOULDNT H4V3 TO B3 TH4T W4Y  
DIRK: It shouldn't.  
DIRK: Do you think, if I died in this timeline, you'd feel the same way as he did?  
TEREZI: TH4TS 4 V3RY S3LF-C3NT3R3D TH1NG TO S4Y  
TEREZI: 1T W4SNT B3C4US3 OF YOUR D34TH  
TEREZI: 1T W4S B3C4US3 H3 D1DNT K1LL LORD 3NGL1SH  
DIRK: But I'm your one tie to relevance. It's on a more personal scale, rather than the cosmic scale that the defeat of Lord English was on, but it's defined by the same conceptualization of canon.  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1TD B3 QU1T3 TH3 S4M3  
TEREZI: 1V3 CONS1D3R3D 1T  
TEREZI: BUT 1 DONT W4NT TO F1ND OUT  
DIRK: Fair.  
DIRK: Are you still in contact with that John?  
TEREZI: NO  
DIRK: You're definitely in contact with someone.  
DIRK: Rose has seen you typing on your phone and then hiding it.  
TEREZI: WH4T 4M 1 NOT 4LLOW3D TO US3 THE 1NT3RN3T NOW  
DIRK: You're writing something. Presumably to someone.  
TEREZI: JUST SH1TPOST1NG  
DIRK: I see.  
DIRK: Final round. Your pre-retcon self. The one who gave into clownish temptation.

I saved the hardest till last.

TEREZI: 1 DONT L1K3 TO TH1NK 4BOUT H3R  
DIRK: But she's you.  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW!  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 H4V3 4LL H3R M3MOR13S  
TEREZI: 4 LOT OF TH3M 4R3 4WFUL  
TEREZI: Y3T TH3 GOOD TH1NGS 4R3 3V3N WORS3  
TEREZI: 1 C4NT B3L13V3  
TEREZI: TH4T V3RS1ON OF M3 WHO FUCK3D UP 1N SO M4NY W4YS  
TEREZI: ST1LL GOT H3R H4PPY 3ND1NG W1TH VR1SK4  
TEREZI: WH1L3 TH1S V3RS1ON TH4T GOT 1T "R1GHT" W4ST3D SW33PS, OR MOR3, OR L3SS, JUST LOOK1NG FOR H3R 1N TH3 VO1D  
DIRK: But she's still you.  
DIRK: You have her happiness, and can tap into it at any time.  
TEREZI: BUT TH4TS NOT HOW TH1NGS 3ND3D FOR _M3_  
TEREZI: H4V1NG TH3 M3MORY OF H3R H4PP1N3SS JUST M4D3 M3 D3SP3R4T3 4ND LON3LY  
TEREZI: 1 W1SH3D 1 COULD H4V3 TH4T TOO  
TEREZI: 4ND TH4T L3D M3 TO W4ST3 MY L1F3  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S WHY 1M GL4D 1 N3V3R "4SC3ND3D" L1K3 YOU OR ROS3  
TEREZI: ON3 4LT3RN4T3 T1M3L1N3 W4S MOR3 TH4N 3NOUGH  
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY DONT N33D TO S33 4LL OF TH3M.  
TEREZI: 4LSO, 1 DONT W4NT TO B3 4 ROBOT  
DIRK: Your loss.  
DIRK: As a robot, you could do everything you do now, only better. Hell, I could specialize a robot body for you, with emphasis on the senses of smell and taste.  
TEREZI: 1T WOULDNT B3 TH3 S4M3  
DIRK: No. It'd be better.  
DIRK: Just look at Rose. Sure, she had the initial shock, but I assume she's finding it doesn't impede her time with you.  
TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: 1TS K1ND4 W31RD TH4T SH3 DO3S  
TEREZI: L1K3 SH3S 4NOTH3R ON3 OF YOUR S3XBOTS  
DIRK: What? No!  
DIRK: Her body allows her access to every facet of human experience. She can enjoy smell, she can enjoy taste, she can enjoy sex, and plenty more besides.  
DIRK: I'm her creator twice over. I wouldn't deprive her of anything my DNA gave her the first time round. And I'd be doing her a disservice to arbitrarily hold back anything that makes life worth living.  
DIRK: Wouldn't it be weirder if I imposed celibacy on her, just because Daddy knows best? Sex is a fundamental component of life. For most, anyway, and I don't doubt that it is for her.  
DIRK: Her robot body is perfect, made so over years of dedicated work. If I made one for you, I'd make that body perfect too. I have your company for eternity, after all, and that's a long time to hear complaints.  
TEREZI: 1LL P4SS  
TEREZI: SO 1S TH4T 1T  
TEREZI: W1LL YOU SP1LL YOUR HUM4N B34NS NOW  
DIRK: Fine.  
DIRK: I fucked up with Jake by getting to know him.  
DIRK: Fully.  
DIRK: He was the first person I ever did that with.

It was during one of my patented Strider Eye Moments. We made eye contact, and all of a sudden I saw into him far too clearly.

I could hear everything that happened in his head. A pointless stream of inane bullshit that just killed the mood instantly. I knew he was an idiot, but what I saw there held no potential for more. It was idiocy all the way down.

It didn't last long after that. I'd woken up to my Ultimate Self not long before that, and that was giving me a new perspective on things. Perspective showing me that nothing on Earth C fucking mattered. I had greater and grander things to attend to, and English at my side would be nothing but a detriment.

DIRK: I couldn't believe I'd wasted that much time with him. Like you chasing after Vriska in space. I was treading water. I'd thought I was working on a future, building on his potential, but none of it would ever really matter.  
DIRK: So I cut him loose. I thought we could still have a little fun on the side, but that gave him unrealistic expectations, so I cut that out too.  
DIRK: And now I'm free. I'm finally fucking free.  
TEREZI: 4ND R34LLY B1TT3R 4BOUT 1T  
DIRK: Yeah, maybe. But my actions were worth it.  
TEREZI: 1S TH4T WH4T YOUD TH1NK B3FOR3 YOU 4SC3ND3D  
DIRK: Who cares.  
DIRK: That opinion has been subsumed into a greater whole.  
DIRK: And I am better than I've ever been.

That's enough for the day. 

DIRK: Back to the engines. I've got shit to do.  
TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: TH3 SOON3R TH1S JOURN3Y 1S OV3R, TH3 B3TT3R

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plans for this chapter included the phrase "clownfuck abyss", which I'm disappointed I didn't get to use
> 
> the next chapter is one of my favourites, and was actually the original plan for this fic -- I was gonna write it as a one-shot, solely about that, before it kinda... expanded
> 
> stay tuned kids


	15. Chapter 15

I've switched my five-minute monitoring to be at random intervals, anywhere from ten seconds to ten minutes apart. Since Terezi's now officially off-limits on account of semi-individuality, Rose is the only one I'm keeping an eye on, and that's how I catch her at the alchemiters.

Metal paint || a makeup palette = also a makeup palette, but one specialized to work on metal faces. Huh. Doesn't take a genius to see what she's planning with this. Guess she got a bit tired of the "cold steel" look.

She proceeds, tools of the trade in hand, to a nearby room with a mirror. The body she sees in the mirror is one I worked on for years, knowing that I'd be better off in the expanse of eternity with a kindred spirit at my side. It's sleek, stylised, but still mostly bare polished metal. I suppose a few after-market modifications are acceptable.

She works like an artist, painting a portrait of her old face onto her new one. Her old skin tone goes on first, blanket covering the face, masking the metallic shine. Then come the all-important details. Rosy red is sponged onto her cheeks for the illusion of human blood pumping beneath. There's a slight speckling of pores, the faintest touch of veins, light and shadow to show the specific softness of skin. She spares no detail.

Most know her better as a writer, but Rose's art skill cannot be forgotten or denied. She's fashioning quite the masterpiece here. To me, it's fascinating to watch the finished product slowly emerge, built up from its base. But Rose performs her work with a grim determination: there's an inner acknowledgement that she might find the end result hideous, yet a desperate urge to try anyway.

There comes a point at which she feels she can do no more, not without ruining her work. She puts down her paints and regards her results, scanning carefully over every millimeter. She picks up one of the smallest brushes, makes just a few more edits, and then considers it finished.

It's a strange face that looks back. My mind doesn't know where to place it, and neither does hers. It's uncannily realistic, no doubt, but is that a good thing? Her blank violet eyes still shine out of the portrait she's painted. She can't decide whether she's reclaiming her old humanity or just making its loss even clearer. Ceci n'est pas une Rose.

There's one more final touch. She takes a wig from her sylladex and stretches it over her built-in metal hairpiece. 

She hesitates before picking up her phone (Terezi and I are the only contacts, I've made sure it can't contact anyone else). She changes her mind twice before finally opening up the camera app and carefully taking a picture. Then she deletes it and puts even more care into taking another.

The eighth photo she tries gets sent to Terezi.

Rose meticulously deletes her chat history with her, so the photo is the first message I see. She gives no context, simply allowing the image to speak for itself.

The reply comes a few seconds later.

TEREZI: WHY D1DNT YOU P41NT TH3 L1PS R3D  
ROSEBOT: Patience. That can come later.  
ROSEBOT: I wanted to try more natural tones. An approximation of a human "bare face", though that's a little oxymoronic here.  
ROSEBOT: Besides, my usual choice of lipstick was black. I might try a red someday, but you'll have access only when or if I allow you.  
ROSEBOT: But that's just a hypothetical. I'd like to get your thoughts on the current state of affairs.

There's no reply for a long thirty seconds. Not even a "Terezi Pyrope is typing".

ROSEBOT: Well?  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW

I think it's an interesting experiment to have tried, and it's certainly a lifelike result. Though the eyes are kinda incongruent with the rest. Maybe you should take to wearing shades, like literally every other member of our family does now.

ROSEBOT: I didn't ask for your opinion, father.

She's looking at herself in the mirror again, unnerved by the movement of her face. The skin around her lips flows fluidly as she opens her mouth, but she can't help but think it's a little too unnatural in its fluidity. The large eyes distort the proportions of the face.

ROSEBOT: I don't know either.  
ROSEBOT: I think I'll give it a few days, to distance myself from the initial creation and have a clearer view.  
TEREZI: N3XT T1M3 P41NT 1T 4LL R3D  
ROSEBOT: Thanks for the feedback. I'll be sure not to.

* * *

The next day, I check in to find her removing it all. She's rubbing it off with a liquid on cloth. There's solid metal where she's already wiped, swathes of it carving through the fake face; where the liquid drips, the human facade melts away in droplets of color.

* * *

She's trying again today. A different approach this time. The last attempt looked a little too much like a death mask for her liking, she thinks. Her face is never going to look "natural" by human standards, so she may as well embrace it instead of trying to feign it.

Purple and gold are her color choices today. Purple for the shadows, gold for the light. She applies the complementary colors in line with the sleekness of her face, making no attempt to suggest contours that aren't there but instead highlighting its shape as God made it.

I think that's a better approach. Acknowledging my design, and not trying to make it into something it isn't. An enhancement rather than a change.

She hears me, just clearly enough to know of my approval, and immediately switches tactic. Now the purple carves illusory holes in her cheeks, like those you would see framing the strings of a violin. "F holes", her mind calls them. Sounds pretty dirty to me. You sure you wanna be putting F holes in your face, Rose?

Pointedly ignoring me now. I see how it is.

Traces of shining gold outline the top of the "holes", and the light treats the contrast in colors as if it's a genuine edge. It's all just visual trickery, though. Rose can play with the light to change her own appearance, but she can't change the tangible reality of it.

She briefly debates painting lines like strings down the center of her face. I briefly debate making a quip about having played her like a fiddle. She decides against it.

If she can't be a human, she decides, she can make herself a work of art. One of her own making.

* * *

Terezi's face darts around Rosebot's, making sure to get a sniff from every angle.

ROSEBOT: No licking.  
ROSEBOT: The paint's most likely toxic.  
TEREZI: 1 COULD H4NDL3 1T  
TEREZI: TH3 ONLY R34SON 1 H4V3NT 4LR34DY L1CK3D 4LL TH3 R3DS OUT OF YOUR P4L3TT3 1S B3C4US3 1 W4NT TO L1CK TH3M OFF YOUR F4C3 SOM3D4Y  
ROSEBOT: Someday. But definitely not today.  
TEREZI: SO WH3N  
ROSEBOT: Never, if you keep nagging me about it.  
TEREZI: TH3N WH4T 1S 3V3N TH3 PO1NT  
ROSEBOT: To claw back control of how I look, rather than have it solely dictated by someone trying to play God.  
ROSEBOT: Or someone who gets turned on by the color red, for that matter.  
ROSEBOT: If I ever paint myself red, it'll be because I want it, not you.  
TEREZI: YOU T34S3

* * *

She changes it periodically. It becomes ritualistic, a process of redefining her face every so often depending on her mood or her current train of thought.

I've seen her monochrome. I've seen her in rainbow colors. I've seen her paint her face with stark minimalism, and with complexity that took hours to layer. And yes, I've even seen her use nothing but different shades of red. Terezi didn't see it, but she sure smelt it, and it was pretty damn clear what that was leading up to. I kinda ducked outta there afterwards, setting an alert to let me know when Rose lowered her heartbeat again.

Speaking of which, that alert's just gone off. Time to check back in.

* * *

ROSEBOT: Don't die. It'd really piss me off.

They're in Rose's bedroom. Rosebot doesn't need to sleep, but every so often she'll lie down for a while to rest her mind. It happens a lot lately. Not much else to do.

TEREZI: WORTH 1T

She's elbowing her way back into her T-shirt, which is currently a tangle around her.

Her mouth, including her grin-bared teeth, is covered in red paint. To the untrained eye, it looks like human blood. Rosebot's face, on the other hand, is decidedly less red than when I saw her earlier. 

ROSEBOT: I suppose you would see it as a good death.  
ROSEBOT: You'd be leaving me all alone with Dirk, though, and nobody deserves that.  
TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: SP34K1NG OF WH1CH  
TEREZI: H3 JUST ST4RT3D W4TCH1NG  
ROSEBOT: What a pleasant surprise.

Terezi's finally managed to claw her way back into her shirt. Rosebot puts an arm around Terezi, in a manner that's almost more headlock than hug, and uses her other hand to display her middle finger in whatever arbitrary direction she might decide my narrative is coming from.

Come on, Rose. That's no way to treat your father.

Her little gremlin troll kismesis immediately manhandles her way out of the embrace. Surely Rose knows the futility in trying to present herself and Terezi as some kind of joint rebellion against me. She's on my side, after all.

TEREZI: 1M NOT ON 4NYBODYS FUCK1NG "S1D3"

Oh, aren't you? Appearances can be deceiving, I suppose. After all, you have thrown in your lot with me, and you don't want Rose's plans to succeed. I don't know, that certainly looks to me like you're on my side.

Unless you want to prove me wrong?

TEREZI: H3Y ROS3  
TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG 1V3 M34NT TO 4SK YOU  
ROSEBOT: Go on.  
TEREZI: DO3S B31NG YOUR ULT1M4T3 S3LF M4K3 YOU TH1NK D1FF3R3NTLY 4BOUT OTH3R P3OPL3  
ROSEBOT: It depends. I know more about them from different timelines, so I have a greater knowledge of their potential as people.  
TEREZI: BUT DO3S TH4T M34N YOU TH1NK L3SS OF TH3M  
TEREZI: OR STOP TR34T1NG TH3M 4S 1ND1V1DU4LS  
ROSEBOT: Absolutely not.  
ROSEBOT: I think that sort of solipsistic narcissism is solely a product of my dear father's personality.

Hey. There's more to it than that, largely because what Rose and I have going on are two different things.

Rose has a lot of external perspectives on people, leading to a fuller but incomplete picture. I have the full internal perspective, meaning I know fucking _everything._

And trust me. If you knew everything there was to know about most people, you'd see how damn small their actions and goals are. Small and unimportant. Using for something _genuinely_ important is doing them a goddamn service. It's not like I'm interrupting anything worth continuation.

You know Lemmings?

TEREZI: WH4T

Old Earth video game where you have to stop a bunch of tiny dumbasses from marching to their deaths by rerouting them to go where you need them to go. 

TEREZI: OH R1GHT  
TEREZI: W3 H4D SOM3TH1NG S1M1L4R  
TEREZI: 3XC3PT YOU H4D TO M4K3 TH31R D34THS 4S F4SC1N4T1NGLY CRU3L 4S POSS1BL3 1NST34D OF L34V1NG TH3M TO TH31R OWN D34THW1SH D3V1C3S

Yeah, I should've expected that.

So yeah. I'm playing Lemmings. I'm stopping all these tiny dumbasses from blundering into useless fates by sending them down paths that are actually productive in the long term. Turning uselessness into usefulness.

Bigger fucking picture, Pyrope.

TEREZI: OH FORG1V3 M3, O H1GH 4ND M1GHTY STR1D3R  
TEREZI: 1LL JUST STOP SP34K1NG FROM MY SM4LL 4ND UN1MPORT4NT 4ND US3L3SS P3RSP3CT1V3 NOW SH4LL 1  
TEREZI: S1NC3 1T DO3SNT M4TT3R TO YOUR GODL1K3 S3LF  
TEREZI: YOUR 3L4BOR4T3 34RTH L3MM1NG M3T4PHORS 4R3 CL34RLY F4R MOR3 1MPORT4NT

Of course they are.

ROSEBOT: What's all this about lemmings?  
TEREZI: STR1D3R H3R3 4PP34RS TO B3 COMP4R1NG UN4SC3ND3D B31NGS TO SM4LL 34RTH ROD3NTS  
ROSEBOT: Par for the course, really.  
ROSEBOT: I presume he's implying I married one of the aforementioned small Earth rodents, then.  
ROSEBOT: Which isn't really my thing, given how I'm not the resident furry of my friendship group.  
ROSEBOT: Kanaya and I are interspecies, but not _that_ interspecies.

It's not just interspecies. It's size difference.

Rose's significance on the cosmic scale has been significantly inflated as of late. She has a level of importance that her chainsaw-happy wife simply doesn't, and will probably never have. Sure, Rose, you could kill me and try to make it work out with her, but she's so limited in her perspective compared to you. Would it really last? And more to the point, would it really be a better use of your ascended existence?

ROSEBOT: ... yes?

In that sense, it's good that you and Terezi have finally got together. You're on the same sort of scale. It's a far better pairing.

ROSEBOT: My relationship with Terezi has nothing to do with whatever positions we may hold on a nebulous, abstract cosmic scale.  
ROSEBOT: She is attractively annoying, and I thought it would be worth pursuing a black relationship with her. We're making something of our own, distinct from you.

So you think.

Well, dear daughter, I happen to approve of your new relationship. How does that make you feel?

ROSEBOT: Is my bed a therapist's couch now?  
ROSEBOT: Your approval is irrelevant, because you don't define our relationship.  
ROSEBOT: Only we do.

Sure. I'll let you think that, if it makes you feel better.

* * *

She continues on for months pursuing her own self-definition, in frenzied determination each time she cleans and repaints her face. She mostly uses the colors established in her mythos, but tends to defer to the purples and blacks instead of the oranges and yellows. The latter two are a little too close to me for her liking.

Which really defeats the point of self-definition. Defining herself as "not Dirk" is still dependent on Dirk.

And like it or not, all her attempts are superficial. She may attempt to cover the body I made with her own layer of paint, but all she can ever do is work with my design: a design which she can't escape unless she destroys herself. A thin layer of Rose can never conceal the Dirk-made being she's become.

I've let her know my thoughts on this, of course. Her response has only ever been to ignore me and continue more insistently than before. Which strikes me as an immature response. Just more of her "tantrum" stage of grief.

There's a desperate notion that, even if what she's doing is useless, there's still value in the very nature of its uselessness. Usefulness is my domain, she thinks, so doing things that don't matter is rebellion in itself.

That only holds true for as long as those things matter to her. She's stubborn, and that stubbornness has held out for months so far. But will it hold out for years? Decades? Centuries? We're playing the long game here.

There's only so long that someone with her perspective, both through her self and through Light's importance and relevance, can spend doing useless things for the sake of being useless. Over time, she'll have to accept the futility of it all, and either sink into depression about being a fucking piece of garbage... or seek something better, and do something with her life.

She no longer has the comfort of her old vices. Can't block it out with drink or drugs like she's tried to do before, because those can't do shit to titanium. If she sticks it out with futility, she'll have no external way to suppress it. She'll be fully aware of how she's wasting her life, at all times. And she'll have the luscious orange carrot of a better alternative dangling above her at all times.

Suffice to say, I have the utmost faith in her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jsyk I'm in the middle of a few-day break to go do an Important Life Thing. which sucks, because I really really wanna keep on writing this thing ahah
> 
> next update will be thursday/friday at earliest


	16. Chapter 16

Something concrete is being planned. I'm not sure whether it's both of them doing the planning or just Rose, but I've felt a definite shift. No longer is my death just an abstract, intangible concept. It's being brought closer to reality.

They keep clawing themselves new ways to dodge my supervision. Terezi's perspective is entirely off-limits, and if I broke that rule, she'd know. But the security cameras are still something she doesn't know about, so I still hold a few of the cards in our little game.

Rose's perspective, on the other hand, is monitored frequently. She has the space between my check-ins to think whatever she wants, but she's not always able to detect me when I'm her. And even when she does, I'll occasionally check back on her ten seconds later to find her in the midst of thoughts she doesn't want me seeing. She'll squash them back down again, but too late.

So, more than ever, she declines to think these thoughts at times when I might be around. I suspect they're mainly saved for her times with Terezi, which I refuse to watch on principle. It feels like a feminist thesis in the making. Wouldn't it be poetic if my masculine man-loving man schemes were brought down by lesbian sex?

I could easily tell Rose's mind to divulge everything it has again, but that would make it far too easy. I want my enemies to have something, at least, because otherwise where's the fun?

And I admit I've loosened up my schedule on helicopter parenting. I've realized that the closeness of the intervals doesn't matter as much as the knowledge that they're there, as well as their unpredictability. As long as she knows I might drop in on her the very next second, I can leave Rose alone for a bit.

These damn engines still ain't fixed. I need time to concentrate on my work. But then again, so does she.

Seeing as I'm letting my mind wander to this topic in the first place, I may as well check in. Heart rate's down, looks like it's safe...

She's putting on her face again. It's an elaborate design. A Horrorterror holds the top half of her face, its tentacles reaching down all the way to her chin. It's starkly monochrome, the black figure suspended in a white void. Darkness and light, and nothing in between.

Even if I didn't know her mood as second nature, I could tell how she was feeling from the nature of her design. She's seething with vengefulness. No doubt about it, Rose is fucking pissed.

So, is today the day?

ROSEBOT: You'll see.

I suppose I will.

I'm not about to disclose how much I know about the plan, though it's obvious that I do know about it. Perhaps all I know is that it exists, or perhaps I know it down to every little detail. In that respect, she'll see as well.

ROSEBOT: Or maybe you'll waste enough time with your obnoxiously grandiose pontificating that the cherub catches up and strikes you down where you stand. Or Dave, or maybe even my loving wife. Who can say?

"Obnoxiously grandiose pontificating". Damn, what a beautiful phrase.

Yeah, you're right. I've wasted enough time here already. Who wants to watch someone do makeup for hours on end? Probably some suckers, but sure as fuck not me. Let's move on.

I'm grounded in the engine room again, inhabiting nobody's head but my own. This goddamn pipe won't seal, no matter what I do. For the meantime, though, it can wait.

I've got my phone out. I've created a tracker on the ship's systems for Terezi Pyrope, so I can catch her on the camera system no matter where she might be. She's currently in her bathtub, with only her head and her phone above the waterline.

And she's _typing._

What the hell does she think she's doing? She's explained it away as shitposting, but now I think about it, even that could be a risk. Best case scenario is a journal or a story of some kind, though I'd like to get my hands on it in either case. Worse is if she's actually in contact with someone. Who knows how many ways she could be compromising our mission right now?

I could break my promise and drop into her head right now. But that'd only let me observe, not interfere; if she was really determined to write whatever message she was writing, she'd just keep right on going. And breaking my promise to stay out of her head would fuck up the delicate equilibrium of trust between us. Our game would never be the same.

I can't believe I've left this go unchecked for so long. I need to get to her, and I need to stop her. Now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got the feeling that my writing motivation isn't gonna last much longer, so "beeline for the ending" it is. That's gonna take a good few more chapters, though, as the ending as I've planned it is pretty damn substantial. And hell, if I have ideas plus motivation afterwards, there may be a bunch of side chapters tacked on.


	17. Chapter 17

I've had this in my sylladex for months. Trolls are hardier than humans, and Terezi? Someone who shrugs off shaving cream, tobacco and metal paint like they're goddamn water? Not gonna be shaken by a few cc of the usual. 

No, I had to make something special for her. It'd be lethal to any human being. It should do Terezi just fine.

She's already on the move from her little bathroom hideout. Yeah, looks like she heard me. I thought I was at a safe distance, but I guess I'm just out of practice with her abnormal Strider-detection. Doesn't really matter though, I'll still catch her easily, it's not like there's really much of anywhere to run--

Hang on. She's heading down the stairs to the engine rooms. She's heading _towards_ me.

Then she's gotta know as well as I do that the confrontation's inevitable. What would she do otherwise? You just can't run from a guy like me, not when I'm a thousand times faster than literally anyone. 

Regardless, I'm heading up those stairs and she's heading down them. It should be barely a second before--

We meet.

DIRK: Hey.  
TEREZI: SUP  
DIRK: You talk to anyone interesting lately?  
TEREZI: CONS1D3R1NG HOW _YOU_ D3F1N3 "1NT3R3ST1NG"  
TEREZI: PROB4BLY NOT  
DIRK: That's a very broad answer.  
DIRK: What about anyone interesting to you?  
TEREZI: 4 LOT OF TH1NGS 4R3 1NT3R3ST1NG TO M3  
DIRK: I love how easily your mind equates "people" with "things".  
TEREZI: N1C3 R34D1NG 1NTO TH1NGS  
DIRK: Nice reading people.  
DIRK: But we've fucked around enough.  
DIRK: You were messaging someone.

She's frozen still. She has to anticipate that I want to see those messages, which she's not gonna let me do.

I watch her skip to the inevitable conclusion, the only possible method of preventing me: drawing her cane swords to stand and fight. Which is fucking ridiculous, given how she's still wearing her dripping wet pajamas. _On the stairs,_ which might just be the shittiest battleground there is. She can't really be naive enough to think she might win.

I'm not about to draw my own sword here. I have a much better weapon, and I'm confident that I can move quickly enough to use it.

I draw the syringe--

\-- and the lights cut out.

Terezi seizes the opportunity. She jerks her knee up. Jabs me in the balls, for fuck's sake. I let out a dignified cry, and--

I can't believe I, of all people, forgot to heed the repeated warnings about stairs.

I fall.

* * *

I could say "fuck you" to the narrative right now. I could refuse to give you a single sentence more of this juicy fic. Are you enthralled by my obnoxiously grandiose pontificating? Do you want to know what happens next? Well, what happens next is fuck you. Why? Fuck you is why.

Or I could rewrite it. Maybe I could narrate that syringe staying firmly in my hand, or have it narratively dissipating before Terezi could ever grab it. Or hell, I could even have myself not fall down the fucking stairs in the first place.

But that doesn't work around Terezi Pyrope, who still has some hold on an existence outside my full control. Terezi, who my narrative bounces off like a hand slapping smuppet ass. She'd hear what I was trying and she'd fucking laugh, like she's doing now, because it wouldn't be doing shit to change the position I was in.

TEREZI: CH3CKM4T3, STR1D3R

Not quite checkmate. I could still maneuver out of this. But the stakes are higher than she knows.

The lights come back on. I squint a little, noticing I lost my shades in the fall. I'm stuck in the corner of the stairwell, completely surrounded by her. The water from her bath is dripping down on me. More importantly, she has the needle at my neck. A single twitch from me would send it plunging in, along with every drop of that cherry red formula - far more than enough to kill a human for good.

Now she hesitates. Her shark grin is faltering.

DIRK: Yeah. Worse than you thought.  
DIRK: This could be the end of the game, if you want it to be.  
DIRK: But do you?  
DIRK: You have a purpose here. Above and beyond whatever pointless bullshit Earth C might try to offer you.  
DIRK: There's your greater cosmic purpose, when we finally find what we're looking for, but even in the meantime...  
DIRK: Our game has been giving you life when you've been so prone to lifelessness.  
DIRK: Here, you have a reason to fight. You have me and you have Rose, and the layout of the game board between us three is changing on such a constant basis that your mind cannot be anything but completely engaged.  
DIRK: That's not even to mention how we're going to resurrect John.  
DIRK: Would you really choose Earth C's endless nothing over this?  
DIRK: You need me to keep yourself happy.

She's breathing heavily. I can see her trying desperately to keep her hands still. One tremble in the wrong direction would make the decision for her.

DIRK: But it's your choice.  
DIRK: Unlike damn near anyone else in the universe, the only one who can make your choices is you.  
DIRK: If you want to end this, or if you want to keep going, you have to do something, Terezi.

You're playing through the choices in your mind.

(Yeah, fuckin' sue me, I've gone to your perspective again. So what? I might be dying soon! Let me have this.)

You know all about choices and their consequences, but you don't trust your ability to make the right choice. That's Rose's job. On your own, you're paralyzed by the possibilities.

There's no supernatural power pointing you to the right choice. All you can do to decide is play through your options.

And hey, while we're here, d'you wanna come along for the ride?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was HOPING to post this "branching endings" chapter with the endings themselves in one go.
> 
> But then I got impatient. Happy belated Hivebent day. Endings will probably come all in one go... unless I get impatient _again._


End file.
